My Fortress..

2012-01-05T13:05:00.000+04:00

Hmmm... I have more visitors here than at my new place.

Shall i restart blogging here?

Or shall I redirect you guys to my new address automatically?

Serious amount of Laav,

Myshness.

Halt!

2011-07-03T13:01:00.000+04:00

I Quit blogging here.

I'll miss the url like no other. My Fortress [& you] saw me through strength & weakness, poise & vulnerability, and it will be missed for its Originality, when all else is replaceable.

Given my reputation about mutual bounds, its not easy. Although, I will visit time to time to feed Leveo, (ofcourse), until we can make arrangements for him elsewhere. He's NOT up for adoption. Aww, sorry to disappoint you guys. (I know how that feels.) *Sigh*

For those who've been notified already; It is adorable of you to come back & check on me.

* ____*____*

Dear Latecomer,

Please leave your email address in comments section for me to get back to the beautiful you about my whereabouts.

Much love,
Mysh.

Until then!

yes, Blog, i will miss you, too!

The Loot

2011-06-28T13:35:00.000+04:00

Eyes stretched open wide. Not in amazement, but in fear.

Torn. Gashed.. then slashed.

The dignity raided, then raped by ravenous wolves. Then tossed back forth for extortion. When they each seized a shred, They then fought over who would claim the biggest..
Dread along with despair gripped her vital organs, as she watched. Some remainder of life sustained in the those eyes. Desperately searching for. Panicking when not finding it. And seeking again.. yet again. And then finally... stumbling upon it.

And so began the minutest, the most crucial of all Searches of her life .

Her eyes clapped upon his. He stared back. She helplessly generated a desperate.. silent Call, like someone drowning clutching at that one last straw. The straw that guaranteed her life. The answer that was yearned for. The one which the Bearer could easily lend with a gentle blink.

Cold & without blinking or uttering single word, he shook his head discreetly.

No.
You deserve it.

... Which meant he first acknowledged, and then Deprived.

~The 11th day of April.

Rule # 100

2011-06-13T00:18:00.002+04:00

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
*
.
Ego is the weaker cousin of Pride.

-M.A

Smartness

2011-06-10T18:53:00.001+04:00

Tere bin Laden just came to end. While the credits rolled, the following conversation ensued between my 2 lil sisters:

Z: Oh my God... Apy is THAT a song??

Me: *shurg*

Z: they are talkin about this guy in the movie.. ali?

M (youngest one): ummm, Zed? whts ullu ...kappatha?!

Z: Duh. It means, like, the son of an Owl!

After a lil while.

M: So.. Apy its means he's very brainy right??

Trespasser.

2011-06-04T12:56:00.000+04:00

You came here uninvited..

Made me pause, look away. And back to again, to confirm. With a million thoughts rushin through the head. I stood there vulnerable for moment. Moment only. Then i looked up, with sad question in my eye, and requested Him, not to alert me whenever I walk through your memory.

This connection needs to die.

Just like it was proposed to be killed this very same week last year. My hands are muddy as I try every few nights to bury the Murdered, deeper. Sometimes spilling uncried tears, dampening its dirt with those which once watered it regularly to keep it alive, a long... long century ago.

Dear God,

Please, discontinue this Last, lingering, Connection, the person doesn't necessarily have to forget me. No, but knowing when the memory's stabbed the one in question, induces a long breeze of ineligible pain...

Infinitely Yours,

Rule# 99

2011-06-02T11:23:00.000+04:00

Rule - [rool] noun, verb, ruled, rul·ing.
a principle or regulation governing conduct, action,procedure, arrangement, etc.: the rules of chess. Code of regulations observed by a religious order or congregation

Or

Rule : - [rool] noun,
method. way. formula. Habit.

I believe it means the latter. Since I have many rules, some written, some unspoken, others unintentional.
Some off record, some renewed, & many updated.

I am going start listing with number 99:

#99 - Never shy away from complementing something you really admire in someone.

Nasty ones, will thank you, and smirk inside believing its their ass, the Sun rises from.

Great people, will be humbled. And ascertain their belief that you truly are the perfection they thought you would be.

Your gain is a pretty good idea about what category they fall into.

The Prowl

2011-06-01T13:37:00.000+04:00

Walk.

Until you're tired.

Walk.

Run.

Don't think.

Just, Walk.

And Just When You're About to Collapse,

Break into a Sprint..

Leap.

And

Pounce.

2011-05-22T14:21:00.000+04:00

A different rhythm.

Broken.

Uncoordinated.

Abrupt.

Unwanted.

Amazingly, without mistakes.

A different Rhythm it was.

Everyday is a Miracle. (:

2011-05-15T16:39:00.000+04:00

Remember this?
How i lost my glasses? And how i toppled over, and the whole story behind them? So i decided to buy new ones, and have been looking around for the perfect shape and color ever since. I've scored shop and annoyed opticians, and frustrated fellow shoppers at the same time (I drop my luggage at the counter(bag,keys,water,random receipts, hairclip, & BB) pick out all the red frames, and stroll around the shop, walking in front of different mirrors to check how the frames look on me, and sometimes i walk out after spending 40mins trying on different ones, without buying anything) The nicest comment i have received from the optician when i sadly leave, is "God bless you". To that i replied to myself, "If they hadnt gone missing out of the blue, i wouldnt be here in first place! I knew there were in my bag!"

Anyway, so i've scoured about 14 Optics. And still havent managed to find something very satisfying, closest i've come across is a d&g red, slightly tilted - but the red was a little too flat red - um, you know, not deep red, like fake red? Ahem, anyway, so, after all this tiring ordeal, my Mum smiles at me slightly and gives me averted look, after asking her the reason she quitely says: Well! there isnt a point for you to get any d&g or Prada, is it?? You will ... well, okay! lose them anyway in like another few weeks. Why bother? Buy something nice within 500dhs.

I was close to tears about now. Not coz Mum said get something within 500, (I can buy and tell her It wz on SALE - you all know the usual drill) - but BECAUSE of her lack of belief in my ability to keep my dearest glasses close to My heart!!! well okay- to keep my dearest glasses within my vicinity for longer than a few weeks. Right?? Its WRONG not to believe in your daughter. Doesn't Mum realize how damaging it could be to my... er, The Development?? (whateva that maybe)

Huh???!

Well, anyway. So, rewinding a lil bit, January went by very sad, when i left no stone, or chair & paper unturned to find my glasses. Even asked the various receptions. Feb went by the same, but by now i was looking fwd to brand new ones to, albeit a bit guiltily. March brought new hopes etc.. So today here i was, walking into the lobby with a this new Swedish friend (She's CRAZY ABOUT SPAS, even more than me) And she on the spurrrr decided lets walk along to book a massage apointment. Im like hmm, maybe, i really wana try Armani spa someday have you tired it yet??.. and we walk to the lifts, whereupon i ask her.. where are we going again?? She said oh great,forgot already! Booking? at the reception?? hello??
I said, yea... alright.. i thot u meant later, after lunch..*groan*

And the elevators open up to the lobby, we walk up to the Reception, me moody for some reason that I forgot. And there lying innocently, right next to the lillies, are My red framed glasses, from January.
Miracle # 1.

**

There are some documents that are shipped from Singapore to Dubai, for my approvals, before they are shipped to their eventual owners around the world. I received about 24 docs for about 12 ppl, 2 weeks ago, one of them for a person named alex, from Africa. I did the usual, approved them and sent it to across with his name, company, designation and number. And by last Tuesday every last doc had left Dubai and been dispatched to their awarded owners across the world. Thrus. mornin i got call saying one of the guys in
Jordan says he has not received his other doc. he's sure he's supposed to get it, as he has been awarded. I said "I'm sure everythign single doc has been couriered over to their respective owners, i had taken extra measures of care in handling them, its not from us, contact signapore. Dubai has no remaining docs left". Yes, i was very sure i had none left behind, but i still checked just to be sure again. And one more time, - I even prayed to God, that please, pleasepleaseplease let it NOT be the ultimate horror - That somebody else receives an extra, and seeing that it doesnt belong to him he's least bothered to send it back across to us in Dubai. It would be lost forever, and there will be no way of finding out. Anyway, weekend came and went and the person coordinated directly with Singapore for verification.
A little while ago, today, i receive a call saying i have received a returned courier, from Ghana, Africa. The TNT dude said, "ma'am the contact number u had given for mr. alex is wrong. We tried the company as well, either the number is wrong or the person's name is wrong. Our delivery person in Ghana, tired but couldn't reach this man, Alex. I did not make any comments, and accepted without a word, as i didnt want to argue about the fact that i hadnt provided wrong info, i wanted to make sure ONE MORE TIME myself before saying anything.
I came back ripped open the package, annoyed by yet another unnecessary task. Normally, it given to assistants to check & correct logistics, but this one i wanted to make sure myself. And went through the docs again. Both awards and the docs belonged to Alex. There was an extra doc stuck to the one belonging to Alex's, easy to overlook as it the special quality paper has thin plastic film which makes 2 of a kind bind together air-tight. I peeled it off and check that the newly revealed doc belonged to the person in Jordan...

1st thought racing through my head was: Did Alex send it back seeing it didnt belong to him? But no, it never reached Alex.
2nd thought: Did someone from his company, miraculously, figure out this wasnt meant for Alex, and send it back?? No, his company apparently didn't recognize Alex's or his number. No one opened the package to check.

No one, in this entire world, knew that there lied another award meant for Jordan within Alex's package in Ghana. So it cant come back to me for this reason, right?

So, there was only One reason for it come back to me - wrong contact details. I quickly checked Alex's details and full name. There was no logical reason for this package to come back all the way to Dubai, after landing in Ghana, Africa and being yards away from reaching Alex.

Because, the search result showed the name and number & company of Mr. Alex, exactly as printed on the TNT from by me. word to word. Digit to digit.
Miracle # 2.

Bahaha

2011-05-07T03:18:00.000+04:00

My fault entirely.

I underestimated their belief about our lack of brains.

They flushed him.

No postmortem.

You see, he was a responsible citizen - according to them.
And they respected his religious beliefs - that when a person dies at sea(drowning, presumably), he can be given a 'Burial' at the Sea. But the lil' fact that he did not, in fact, die at sea, can be overlooked, silly.

You see, the WMD and the saddam issue?

You see the wolf has been cried a times, too many.

You see, the old sayin, no one really believes a liar.. when he tells the truth. And One, regretfully, doesn't have a reason to believe the liar in question, either.

Tsk, tough luck, hun.

T-Y-P-I-C-A-L

2011-05-02T20:37:00.001+04:00

So firstly, it stung their ego that they couldn't catch/murder him. Then they got used to their own inefficiency. And took some rest for a while, using drone attack etc as their recreational activity.

Then O suddenly felt threatened that he may (omg!omg!omg!) not have the fat chance of winning the next elections.
Hence!

"Inform the world that we AMERICANS finally kill the Biggest threat to our nation...umm...err... lets put it last week?.. yea.. yea.. hmm, last weeks good. So, Last week we killed Bin laden. Wohooo!"

Discussion follows:

"We killed him... outside a family park strolling with baby cart?.. "

"no u idiot.. he keeps fit by lifting gun-weights & grenades..."

"okaay.. okay.. how about this? He got killed in Pak-kiss tan--

"Duu-uh! WASNT IT OBVIOUS!?"

"- Wait for it - he got killed outside his HOME, in front of is family, and we took him away immediately without informing the entire World and sacrificed our chance of blowing our own trumpet, coz we didnt think it was too important back then?! And that .. and that, omg im soo brilliant, the reason we invaded Pak-kiss-tan was that we were chasing the runaway chickens who we suspected wandered into Pak-kiss-tan when were lookin the other way! "

"Excellent! i always knew you were THE BRAINS behind of US gov! Killing 2 in 1 shot!"

No mater the fact, that ONLY US troops were allowed to across afghan border in to Pakiland. Ofcourse.

Ofcourse, Osama's home address could be Googled all along, it just didnt occur to them before.

Someone said a while ago: "I want to see the corpse before i believe they have eliminated their (OOoooo!) Biggest Threat"

Duh, honey, we're supposed to be a bunch of idiots, remember?

The U-we-have-an-answer-for-everyting-S would say:
"His corpse unexplainably, vanished in thin air. Yes. Yes. And it will only return when and IF we feel there is a need to statisfy World's Curiousity and outrage. We will then provide the World with a mangled, disfigured, possibly, unrecognisable body, and decorate a turban on its head. Stick a beard too incase someone forgot to add that. And DECLARE -with an american flag in background ofcouse - "This is Bin laden! Believe what we say. - coz frankly we dont give a rat's poo either ways. We will wax lyrical about this body till our throats dry out. Oh, yea! New evidence will also keep on surfacing on his thoroughly-post-mortem'd body, (incase one of those creative guys in the lab had new brainwave and created a new evidence and decided to decorate it on his body at midnight) But, anyway! You're not supposed to know that. Shoo!"

As for you people, mildy perturbed by these events?
Roll your eyes and, please, go back to work.

Oh, and brace yourself for our Pakistani reporters going so mad, that they forget what side are they supposed to be on.

*siiigghh*

Like someone said: The simple girl from small village gets married to her Prince Charming, the Bad Guy gets killed. Typical Disney weekend on earth. While reporters from Pakistan give biographies of Osama bin laden, like he was their bosom buddy all along.

US & Pak-media, u never cease to make us roll our eyes...

Edge

2011-04-24T21:46:00.002+04:00

You reach the highest of point in maturity. And then you rebound.

Then all that matters in the end is not how mature your thoughts or actions are but how sincerely these are carried out. It may be a prompt hug given by an 8 yr old, seeing an older sibling in despair, understanding nothing at all.

Or a deliberate ignorance, by an older lady, displayed upon witnessing a threat of emotional upheaval coming from another younger person, while no sympathy betrayed the lady's face.
Recovery time of younger person: less than 3 seconds.
Realizing that these 3 seconds would decide how far and deep the person will fall back onto the vicious cycle of depression. Hours of sympathetic therapy saved by a quick merciless diversion of topics. Brilliant.

I am on a rebound. Revisiting the path that I was whisked from brutally. Now exploring every nook and cranny of this path, stopping to admire a rosy looking view, sometime bending down to pickup a curious-shaped pebble, at times wary of the simplicity of it all, at times snorting sarcastically at its lameness.

Seeing it all.. all. Wanting, only some.

Moreover, I'm sharing something that I came across...

"So, what is a relationship, Sam?"

Nothing. But living in the moment. Would like you to live in the moment with me ?

Depends. How..

They were standing at the edge of the water, leaning over the fence. He comes up behind her, and places both hands on the fence on either side of her waist. She goes stiff, as he gently pushes the hair from her right shoulder, exposes the warm curve between her shoulder and neck, she could feel his even warmer breath on her. She was frozen, wanting to push away, but couldn't. Somehow. He inhales at her skin, a deep, deep breath...

Movie at my place, I make a very delicious fruit tea.

Red flags went up all around her. Her breath bated. What does he want? what is it that he expects of me? And he seems so.. so assured about whatever it is that he wants. Doesn't he know that i like taking things at their own pace? Sanity reminds her, No, Faith, he doesn't, how would he? And, what pace? Pace leading to where, exactly?

"Faith, you there...? Hello.." Still 2 inches away from her exposed neck.

"Uh... yea". she shivered involuntarily. He felt it, too. And he brought his arms together around her. Trapping her between the fence, his two hands, and himself from behind.

So.. movie?

Sure. I ... I have a few errands to run then, let us see if we can catch up later tomorrow evening?

Faith... Oh dear, dear faith... I get it. Let us just leave it, okay?. He moved a bit further from her back, and the cold air filled between them. His hands, though, were still around her.

".. what? .. I mean, I said i wouldnt mind. I can definitely--"

Hoping she can definitely not, but she must convince him otherwise; that she isn't scared or playing coy.

"No. Its alright, girl. I'm good. okay?" He smiles quickly.

He moves away, and steps towards the parked car.

Sam, listen..

No. Shh.. I'll have to kidnap you someday, okay? Come, let me drop you back, ...its getting late.

But she knew his "moment" has passed.

- Stumbled upon.

Perfection kills

2011-04-22T18:56:00.001+04:00

If you are seeking Perfection.
You are seeking God. Humans & things are pointless places.

- M. A.

Think. Ponder. Consider.

How much damage you've done in search of something that was never to be found in places you sought.

2011-04-11T10:01:00.008+04:00

How did you live

Were you

Sleeping all along,

While the nightmare

Belonged to me?

Are you up now

Have you finally

Scrambled forward

And looked around

And blinked many times

Upon discovering

That I am gone.

Only took

8760 hours

To heed the echo

Of my silent

Unheeded screams.

How did you live without me.

Were you

Sleeping all along,

While the nightmare

Belonged to me?

Are you awake now?

Is it time

For you

To relive it?

'cause I really

gone.

- Mysh, that I once was.

P.s. I told myself once in '09; I'd write a poem specially for you and gift it on your birthday. maybe even read it aloud after we're done with celebrations. Were there candles & gifts & cards & love waiting for you next to the bed this year??
Ungrateful git.

I'm glad I kept my word. This is for you. :)

Disclaimer:

2011-04-10T11:46:00.000+04:00

O' Happy people, I feel you.
I feel you, when you roll your eyes at me around this time.

But someday this too shall pass.

This, too

2011-04-09T12:40:00.002+04:00

A Year could be very short, for a Month that was too long..

(..?)

2011-04-07T11:55:00.001+04:00

It was late, on a weekend night. Everyone had retired to their rooms. She stepped into her room, finally done with day's tiring work, sat on the edge of her bed for a few seconds, heaved a sigh before deciding she should get up & dress for bed. So, she went about taking out her berry butter, picked out her purple satin negligee, then had the dilemma with fuzzy pink shorts. Then decide in favour of the satin. She was happy her hair smelled good. Then finished the effect by a mint lip balm, and hint of fragrance oil under her ears. Dressing up, for he may come back early tonight. There, in the despair of all the happenings of past weeks, months.. He may suddenly miss her, something may trigger her memory of her to him, some random girl passing by with same hair, or watching a friend texting his girlfriend the smile hinting how much he wants to be with her. Any trigger would do.

It was starting to rain when she came upstairs, but by now it was pouring heavily...

...

The room temperature dropped too low for comfort, so after lighting up a tea-light each on both sides of the bed in their holders, she wriggled her legs into the quilt. Not lying down for she was afraid she'll doze off when he comes in. Something else was scaring her at that moment. It was thundering. Deafeningly. The lightening bolts throwing the room in different flashes of shadows. She got up and turned on the lights.. and offered a small prayer. Then switched the lights off when she had calmed down a little bit more.

... She now rested on bed leaning against headboard, watching the door handle to turn.. listening carefully for the footsteps she wants, coming upstairs.

While this was paused & played on her pink&white phone:

After a lifetime of hopeful lookouts & sighs.. At some point before sunrise, when the rain was reduced to drips, and the streets were cold and wet, the bedroom door's handle turns, someone calls her full first name a couple of times, in order for her to move her hand from their side of bed. The person then settles in, and turns away, snoring peacefully. While another storm takes place, only inches away from him, unnoticed and raging deep within.

The only witness to this silent cruelty were the weak candles, who weren't alive to tell the tale - for they cried themselves to death.

*Jum hum na honge toh... Bolo kya.. tab aaoge*

... End.

***

Golden Theory

2011-04-03T11:29:00.001+04:00

If only Crushes could talk beautifully. And could refrain themselves from being Bollywood hero. And also behave themselves. Then, and only then could I find my true Prince Charming.

Which obviously doesn't happen on Earth. (obviously)

My friends will have to go to, I don't know, Neptune or something.

Till then we'll have to do with what we have here.

P.s. This didn't sound that "golden", did it?

Duh, my blog, hmph.

Conversation in Car

2011-04-02T16:04:00.000+04:00

"Mysh? You are My Angel in disguise.

Thank you.... For listening to me." Looks towards me.

"Its alright... I'm glad I could be of help some help"

"I've kept it in for so long.. And sometimes, hearing one out can be the biggest of solutions. I'm sorry but, I just want to hug you right now.. Its such a relief lettin it out." Blinks, heaves a big sigh and tries to let out a small smile of relief.. "Can I..?"

" I understand what you went through.. *smiles* And i understand your urge to hug me right now. I would have done so too if I was in your position, without thinking.. You can bbm me a hug if you want. That will do fine." :p

Silence again, while watch people go by through wind-shield. Then, he speaks up.

" .. you know, Disney should be Sued big time!"

" .. why?"

" For making you believe in all that you told me just now...[pause] ... It was so cute, and you were so damn passionate about it! I almost wish I could make it all real for you, sweetheart. And I also wanna kill anybody who contradicts you with it. But firstly I want sue Disney for giving you different hopes than reality in first place."

"um... no! Its not Disney, its just... I mean, Im offended! :@ I talk from experience. Im not some deluded princess who's oh so pretty in her little castle far away. Yuck. Whatever i told you, is derived from the trauma I went through.. And, like I said, Its all the Basics that matter in the end, if all else is left behind ...

[silence]

... You don't know the Power of Basics."

*patronising smile* "And what are the "basics", mysh?"

"Basics? Let's see, Having the freedom to eat with your spouse when you want. Having the freedom to sit together on couch watch tv without really concentrating, snuggling in. Luxury of spending weekends lying in with your spouse for hours. Jumping on each others bones when the other least expects it, and more importantly knowing he/she wont push you away. Performing kind gestures, I dunno, brining water when one's thirsty, even when you are pissed at your spouse.. Taking care of each other, like feeding when one's right arm is burnt. Not being rough in actions and words when in anger, not hurting wrists and bending bangles due to the force... Respecting privacy, Respecting tears... Basic damnit! Tumhein basics nahin pata??!"

Total silence for a while. While we both recover from my outburst. Him, probably trying to decided how best to respond.

I hoped that he doesn't respond with the kindest of words. Or I'd snap once again.

"Mysh... You are married??"

"No... was"

"oh..."

Him again: "Can I...?"

"hmm...?"

"Never mind. Check your BB girl.. "

I checked. He's sent me a "Big Hug".

I smile but refrain from looking at him directly. At times like these I avoid eye-contact studiously.

...

While getting out of the car, "You know.. I would still like to sue Disney?"

"Acha..." I wondered why. We walk a few steps silently towards our waiting friends.

Him again, " For making me believe Angels only come with wings.. "

I look at him, taking a moment to realize what he's saying. My smile widens as it hits me.

" Give your marriage one more try.. Just look at her, she looks happy just as she is."

He gives a positive smile, and nods his head. "Are you available just in case?" Punches me on shoulder lightly.

"No."

O' God, Please reward this Nation for their Patience.

2011-03-23T10:59:00.001+04:00

I noticed it last to last friday, when i walked into Mum Papa's room, the CNN was broadcasting live from Japan. It was during the first quake. The reporter reporting it didnt seem like she's standing there experiencing the rippling after shocks. The calm in her voice, while she probably struggled to hold the microphone in her hands and tried not to fall, gave a very different picture to head, highly contradicting the words coming out of the mouth. Where was this reporter? As she later mentioned, she wasn't somewhere in some open ground park taken to safety, away from threat of getting smashed by collapsing walls.

She was underground. Trapped in railway tunnel.

Everything around her still quivering from the massive shifts of Earth plates. While she calmly announced to the world how the people underground were cooperating and listening to instructions, but didn't know what to hold onto during aftershocks, for they were too scared of the enclosure collapsing over them.

The poise of these people is something to be praised.

Then came the tsunami. And then the huge N-radiation issue.

To quote one of refugees: a retired police officer who looked forward to rice farming, evacuated from his village because of radiation threat a week ago said collectively on behalf of his fellow refugees: " Earthquake and tsunami, is something we could have dealt with.. we could have gone back to our village and rebuild from scratch... But radiation leak has killed our village and we cant hope to restart again..."

I go silent pondering their determination to Start again and again, swallowing earthquake, stepping over tsunami, only finally being barred by radiation. And im sure they will find some place else to rebuild their houses and resume farming. Not wailing for foreign aids, nether waiting for red cross to give them hope about reconstructing their village for them after the devatation. Of course they wont be able to do it all alone when the time comes. But they don't like to depend. Even in their subconscious minds. Thats what's praiseworthy and inspiring.

Allah jii Aapne kaha hai: "Inn- Allaaha' Ma' As Sabereen" They need You, Allah ji.

Something I came across. Something most of you must have already read , but it doesn't hurt to gloss over again. Something Our nation Must definitely Learn From. And fast.

10 Things to learn from learn from Japan-

1- The Calm

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. sorrow itself has been elevated.

2- The Dignity

Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3- The Ability

The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn't fall.

4- The Grace

People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5- The Order

NO looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just Understanding.

6- The SACRIFICE

Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the Nuclear Reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7- The Tenderness

Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8- The Training

The Old and the Children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9- The MEDIA

They showed MAGNIFICENT restraint in the Bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10- The Conscience

When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.

Final journey: Tokiko Abe, who lost her husband in the March 11 tsunami, waits for his coffin to arrive at a temporary mass grave site. No time for breakdowns.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1368716/Japan-nuclear-crisis-Britain-radiation-risk-Fukushima-heats-AGAIN.html#ixzz1HOytWtsz

What, if...

2011-03-17T16:48:00.000+04:00

What if somebody tells this to you right now.

Yea..

How do you react to this...?

How do you want me to react to this, my dear..?

*

*

*

P.s. Why do we have to pretend to be strong, Always ?

Why always?

Singed

2011-03-07T13:13:00.000+04:00

A flame.

Captivating..

Curious. Enticing.

Its when you see the soft skin

Sooty on your hands,

That you realize you are... singed.

Again.

A flame

Isn't steady.

It flickers

and sketches a pattern.

Like, fingers tracing

Along a lower back,

Searing the skin under their path

With a lazy drawing.

Invisible burns.

Visible effects.

Something i read, provoked this.

0303

2011-03-03T12:50:00.000+04:00

Now you would thin k I'm a hard core narcissist. But I LOVEE this date! :D

Why, I descended upon earth to on this fateful day to make life heaven for some and not so heavenly for others (namely people i knock down while pickin up my bag).
:p

Yes, it is proving to be a very Happy birthDay, indeed so far! (Alhamdulilah)

:D and is only 11 in morning! Try as i might i cant help but reflect last years Cinderella that I was, reduced to stupid tears coz i was harshly yelled at(n not wished), mopping floors and dusting house after cleaning up b'fast table etc.

Wow.. I did not realize this when cried self to sleep on 3rd's night, not when I was summoned to the courts, I didnt even realise when i pleaded not to be given a divorce, not even when I almost crashed car trying make sense of things ".. he wants to divorce me?? ". Not even when I was tryin, fruitlessly, to call/meet up with him to knock some sense into him.

Wow, really.

I know I can never Thank You enough for Rescuing me.. but Allah jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank youThank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you so0o0o00000oo0000oooo very very very very much!

*all smiles*

And let me share with you something: *whispers* I think, somebody has planned a Dream Come True experience for me this weekend! *gleee* And im not supposed to know its a Surprise. *hyper with anxiety*

Oh I know I know.. I jus need to practice some gasping expressions. along with sayin things like ' Oh!! you shouldn't have..' and all will be fine. Surprise restored.

Ciao!

p.s. here this is what I found sometime ago. Are the statistics correct?

Dangerous combination.

2011-03-01T16:18:00.001+04:00

A girl shouldn't be 3 things (at the same time) *Neverr!!!*

1) Loaded with a card or unlimited change. (invisible money) :$

2) BE high on hormones. :(

3) Standing inside a chocolate shop. :'(

Ugh.

I swear I tried my best not to go over board.

Look, i even calculated and compared the calories of various stuff put together.

Took me 20 mins. This is what my guilty Loot contained in the end:
.
.

1) Bluuuberry bar
2) Strawberry bar
3) Kitkat dark (he didnt have lindt)
4) Small corrisant. Reason you cant find it up there, is I've already hogged on it.
5) A mug of hot milk. (in my hands)

Okay ladies, stop giving me those looks, I'll think of the consequences later. ok? I swear i will.

Now, those bars are not meant for today. I'm a good girl. (I mean if im not able to behave myself i might just give me the strawberry bar - half of it). BUT! B-u-t. Blueberry is strictly for tomorrow's craving pangs.

Damn... I also have a splittin headache which might just cause me to faint if i stand up. I think. And this was a Moody blog's entry whats it doing here??

Oh, i'll sit on my ass and thoosofy 2 sticks of ktikat, with a mug of milk, and see if i can find anyone who's doesn;t mind the other 2 sticks.

also, im not torturing myself with the whole thing's calorie content today! *Hufff*

The Meeting

2011-02-27T23:43:00.002+04:00

He was running late for a meeting already.

Screw them for screwing up the lunch hour, with wrongly taken traffic route. How will this reflect on guys I'm supposed to be presenting in front of? He thought totally pissed.

Damn... Damn!

Thankfully, it his own Team. And they're nice enough to not make judgements by the silly mistake in the scheduling his silly assistant made. He could very well do without a totally new university graduate, who's sweet but highly clueless about things somebody in her position shouldn't be. But - oh well, he can hardly blame the poor kid. Thank God, replacements are temporary. And soon his PA cum Wannabe Mother would be back, and things would be back to normal, that is; arguments and disagreements along with smoothly running schedules with no glitches with lazy drivers and late afternoon traffic congestion. There's always a set back up plan with Amanda. So ready, you wouldn't know when you were switched from plan A to B.. or maybe even C. Oh, how he missed her efficiency and her wrinkly stern stare.

Tossing the keys with a smile to Mohan, who greeted him with an even brighter smile, he rushed into the lobby and called the elevators. 5th.....4th... as unproductive it was to be pressing the button again, he still did so. Out of impatience. While mentally, going over the points needed to be brought up, towards the end of the meeting. The elevator hissed open and out pooled staff with late lunch plans and other meetings. Finally, with a sigh he entered along with 2 others, and hoped they belonged to his own floor. Yesss! they did. No more stop overs, the elevators whisked them to the top most floors. He scaned his access and entered his offices, collected what needed to be collected and made way to the Conference Rooms a floor below. Where the hell is that girl?? As if on cue came a skinny Tasha sprinting to him, while balancing, with his Earl Grey, notebook, pens, bright pink phone etc, joining him with high-pitched apologies, on his way to the lifts again. He accepted his tea in the elevators to relieve her from the weight, and smiled at her so she calmed down. Then briefly checked his reflection out in mirror before they stepped out. Damn, his hair is the first to go berserk in smallest amount of stress.

He could see few people milling about the Rooms, and as he neared they greeted and made their way in after him. So, he took his position, the lights dimmed and he began with hi-lighting some very urgent things first, what with unrest in Egypt and bloody Q1's closing around the same time everybody was very clear on situation anyway, what they needed to discuss were the POA's. He finished, and invited the next person before taking his seat. He was pleased to see his team coming up with their worked out plans.

The discussion started and it felt the meeting was going good after all. His focus was undivided today and was intensely listening to his Business Development Manager when something about the curve of the forehead, wave of the hair strand of this person, flashed Her Face in front of his eyes. He froze. It wasnt a flash.. It was as if she was sitting there nodding her head in agreement to the plan of actions being brought froward, when that strand came slipping down from behind her ears... It - whatever it was, was so real that he even saw the smoothness of her cheek muscles down to her softly curved jaw. He looked away, and blinked.. and then looked back. His BDM was lookin around and insisting her point as usual. What just happened? No wait- WHY am i even thinking of her? The chapter is long over. Finished. We moved on.. hell, I forced her to, ever since... that fateful day. Admittedly that felt like he was wrenching his own limb apart. But that's life.. you make stupid decisions, then travel too far. You do the damage, and you deal with it. That was life.

His BMD was nothing like her. Jeez, not even close... Her hair was certainly not the same color. Hers was auburn-ish, although she often complained it wasn't her desired color. Neither the skin color could match, she was fair.. this lady was wheatish! And.. and, and she had wavy, silky mane. This one had frizzy brittle short hair. Then what... what in the world made him imagine!?
No, he thought to himself, I did not imagine that. It was as if She was sitting close enough to... reach out. But that's senseless shit, ofcourse. Whatever. Time to focus back on the meeting at hand. Screw memories.
Somewhat angry, and somewhat surprized at himself he tuned back into the discussion which had progressed into something he didnt quite keep track of. He blinked several times more to clear his vision, lest his hallucinations start again. And repeated, focus, focus focus.. to himself.

He was back into the thick of the facts and ideas being tossed around the table, his brain crystal clear and no other weirdness bothering him. When the talks got more detailed, for the sake of juniors in his team, he flickered back to what had happened. And is it going to happen again if he looked at his now agitated BDM. . . .?
Nothing.

Nothing came to his head, only the fact that his BDM is craving her faggs right now, with that expression.
Thats odd, he wondered again, trying hard not to wonder at all. Good, he thought, atleast I have my brains functioning normally again.

And that is when, her smell breezed his nostrils. And then recognizing it, it hit him so bad he practically half-turned in his seat instinctively. Without meaning to. wtf? It was... hers no doubt. There was definitely a hint of baby powder in that smell.. and warmth.
And for a few seconds there he plunged with a very barely audible gasp: She wore a mixture of fragrances, her body lotion, her deo, her perfume, her baby powder, and her... Skin. All that created Her Signature smell. And even with all those things she used, it was never became over-powering for some mysterious reason, it was always Lingering about her. Teasing... sometimes discreetly distracting. Add to that, the sensuous way her hair smelled. Man.. that aroused him no matter where his thoughts may have been.

He snapped out almost as quickly as he was snapped in that world. He found it odd that he was breathing slightly unevenly.
But he shrugged off the feeling and with a deeper breath and went back to giving his closing words to the meeting, which he had been meaning to bring about. Now fully intent on his work - and loving it that way.

Good thing was his Team agreed on many things and liked to be on same page with each other - most of the time. That satisfied him. And for ages now his satisfaction with the running of the team has been not only his driving factor but his distracting factor too. A distraction he wholeheartedly embraced. But what went wrong today? I was more focused than usual, he thought.

He shook hands and clapped backs, his Team filed out in twos and threes. And as he was stepping out the Conference Room himself, when out of the freakin' blue, he was reminded of how snugly She fit into his arms at night... And then, loved listening to his heart beat for no apparent reason before dozing off,

Engulfed, top to bottom, in Her fragrant reverie, he shook his head, helplessly.

Shrugging yet again at the curve of her facial features coming to the head, and haunting image of her tears, he walked away to his offices, Tasha hopping along yapping about unimportant things.

But he was sure of this, whatever happened this afternoon, will come back in full force in those painful minutes just before sleeping tonight.
And in many nights to follow after today.

*The End*

Purposiveness

2011-02-24T13:22:00.000+04:00

Every day a new Decision.

A new Resolution..

Everyday estimating how far She is from her Mark.

Everyday looking behind to appreciate the baby achievements.

Soaking resolve from the determined footsteps left in her wake.

Late night beach wanderings now appear a world away. A part of her, though, is still left behind haunting her haunts, Enticing her. But there will be time to revisit them, once she's little more stronger...

Not to dwell and recall.

But to question herself.

2011-02-23T14:20:00.001+04:00

Click your way to this hilarious ROFL post - goes perfectly with a pack of Lays, a lazy afternoon, or cup of Chai/Green tea/Hot chocolate.

And little else.

The Seventh Warrior - By Adeel Anwar.

2011-02-19T13:33:00.000+04:00

::: The seventh Warrior :::

A whiff of wind blows by

flutters the flag held high

the field set ablaze in sunlight

the armor is on, ready to fight

For a Cause so big

larger than life itself

Here i am, standing on this soil

with head held high, ready as i can be

its a moment of glory

its a battle of truth

Deceit shall die its own death

Honor will last for ever

The Tales will be told

the Bravery will be followed

Freedom, will be won.

for years to come

for centuries to exist

Redemption

a lucky man’s salvation

a chance worth dying for.

a risk worth taking

a sacrifice worth making

a whiff of wind blows by

flutters the Flag held high

Here i am, the seventh warrior

standing in the battle field

as ready as i can ever be

P.s. This is the place it deserves, Eddie.

This also goes out to our green warriors in WC. Pull out all stops!

My Fairytale

2011-02-18T04:56:00.001+04:00

I know they sound sickeningly sweet.

But when I get very very close to God, erm.. I uh, start believing in a Fairytale all of sudden...?

Yes. I'm jus coming back from a Rabi-ul-Awwal's Milaad (A Gathering to recount our Blessings and remember Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) through most beautiful and moving words).
And I've started, believing in fairytales again.
Yes, even after ALLL this! *amazed at self*

I never fail to surprize myself.. do I?

I feel there *dreamy tone* in some far away corner of this BIG WIDE WORLD, awaits a handsome architecht/engineer/ *not dreamy tone*(okay -bankers - only when they dont look like my past)/ or *dreamy tone* some other exotic professional... :)
Who'll bump into me someday while im blundering around as usual, being totally Me breakin things etc, Or wait- I want him to find me galloping on my Horse(when i buy one). And he gets soo impressed he sits down and watches me dance with the Horse, fascinated.
Here I'ld also like to flick my hair. Preferredly, in slow motion. Oh and my hair color is cherry red.

Then when Im done with riding. He watches me pass by, not being able to utter a single word.... Yes, spell bound. *dreamy tone is still on* .. Tries impressively to get hold of my address and, I have to be totally oblivious about this guy at that moment, okay. (And no, he cant start with my cell no. OR facebook. ew).

And then, ahem, he send me a ...a.. mind-blowing, intellectually simulating book(maybe dan brown-ish), which contains hint about a secret admirer, as a Present. Anonymously. Then he .. erm.. probably fixes a formal meeting with me about something related to my work, and tries to get to know me...
By now, knowing me i'll be in a big argument with him about something. Then i also realize through my girl-power instincts he's is interested in me. Then, I give him my usual stupid attitude thinking he's just another guy with a crush on me. Then he tries to ask me out... for a horse race.. and I.. I will jump with excitement but decline because im goin to be busy.. :( Logic in taking over right now guys, and my fantasy is crashin coz im predicting my actual reaction here.
Im goin to miss the Races *somebody stop me!* because i'll be busy with something or the other, and he wouldn't have been close enough to be told my problems.

Er... He further disagrees with me about some things he just doesn't understand about me or my life, and he gets pissed at me or something and .. and wouldn't tell me WHY he is pissed. Then, He'll end up goin away and will never come back.

:( . . .

*silence* ... :( :(

Shit.. something similar has happened before. :(

...

No, mysh, no... cheer up baby. Remember Milad? Rememer how Allah jii loves mysh??
Yes, you carry on with your fairytale and have exactly the ending you want.

:( ...
Lets begin with..
Gime a moment to collect myself.

Ok, hmm.. After this guy sees me horse-riding and swoons over me, while i flick my hair and walk around nose-in-the-air, he sends me the 1st pressie, he can meet me because of some reason or other, being very modest about his lifestyle and his profession etc, because showing me he's filthy rich, (whether he Is or not doesn't matter, but displayin it does) will intimidate me and form a bad opinion about him. Now, we can have long polite but interesting conversations during lunch breaks and that's about it for a considerable time.. nothing more, nothing less. I get to know a lot about him, but not his immediate life.. Then seeing we aren't really going anywhere he breaks the formal barrier and mentions an interesting trip to which i am supposed to accompany him... :)

Then me, being very clueless as usual, about what he intends, become very good friends with him, and doesn't mind if he gets bored while im explaning how I brought home a sick pigeon and fed him water and grains, and cried when he didn't make it.... .. :(

I want to roll my eye at myself.

Fast froward..

We're engaged couple.. and we celebrate the whole birthday weeks for each other. And he throws the most marvellous, but small, "surprize" birthday party for me! With my near and dear ones. :)

One weekend I pick him from work and take him straight to scuba-diving session for both of us as a relaxing activity. - And ofcourse, I must look like a mind-blowing hottness in that scuba diving attire that he falls in love with me all over again. We can come back home having ice-lollies (raspberry flavored). No dinners.

Ofcourse we argue. Bad. BAAADDDDDDDD. But only to make "making up" more passionate. We'll still be angry.. and disagree on many things, but will call each other to wake for work/Ramadan's Sehri/early flights etc..

We give each other atleast 2 days, whenever needed, throughout the week for personal space/work and another day for own friends. And while im out with my friends, he can accidentally bump into me with his friends too. And text me somehting like " Dress up like this on our next date " ..
Do I need to add I look awesome that day?? :D

Fast forward to after Marriage..

We now celebrate BirthMonths instead of days: I arrange small "gifts" for him on all days leading up to his birthday and after that, anything from a post-it note, to specially served ice-creams, to birthday weekend trip, to yumm b'fast, to cushions for his car, to cheap sandwiches on grass etc.

Conclusion: We are NOT a love-sick couple. But we know our priorities. We love each other's parents. And he is the Hero to my lil bro and sis because he has spoiled them to bits. He must a be a good rider (Horse's), so that we can compete with each other all our lives.

Which reminds me...

Did you know: Our Prophet (PBUH) used to have these fun races with Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) on Their respective Horses?? MashahAllah. And He kissed His Wife's forehead before heading out, even if it was for Prayers?

How Shhwwweeeettt! .... *sigh* :)

Okay.. Oh yeah he absolutely must have long graceful legs. Because imran had short fumbly ones, where he needed help to get into a boat, while I gracefully tiptoed into it, with big steps, without help. - while the boat man stared.

G'nyt! *hair flick*

Wahan Koi Rutbe.. Mein Adna na Aali.

2011-02-16T01:36:00.000+04:00

He was my Bari Ammi's most favourite.

So much so that She used to make my Mum read his Na'ats out her at Isha'.

Please do listen, its easier to understand with this eng. subtitles.

- Qari Waheed Zafar.

Now after these years, My Mum makes me read this out to her, when we're both down:

Mein ek haath se dil, Sambhale hue tha..
Toh thi doosre haath..
Rozey ki Jali..

Dua ke liye haath..
Uth te toh kaise..
Na yeh haath khaali, Na..
Woh haath khaali..

Best part..

Jo poocha hai tumne..
Ke mein Nazr Karne..
Ko kya le gaya tha..
Toh Tafseel sun lo..

Tha Na'aton ka Ek Haar..
Ash'kon ke Moti..

Duroodon ka Gajra..
Salaamo ki Daali..

:)

*

Following is another very cute one:

I don't understand most of it. Since its hard urdu and punjabi, but I understand enough:

Suna hai Aap har Aashiq k ghar tashreef late hain..

Mere ghar mein bhi ho jaye Chiraaga'n, Ya Rasool Allah...

But Ya Rasool Allah, humare toh ghar is qabil nahin k Aap jaisi hasti tashreef laye..

Hum kabhi ghar ko dekhein kabhi Sarkar ko dekhein.

Mein kaunsi Seyjj Aap ke liye sajawa'n, Ya Rasool Allah..

Tera Milaad mein kyun na manawa'n..? :)

Don't Read.

2011-02-13T22:49:00.004+04:00

This. (by Asad)

Prompted the following from me:

We are talking openness here. Not restriction of your generosity to just one person. Shunning what the universe may have to offer to you. We're talking; Coming out of the box, and rubbing your eyes to the brilliance offered by the rest of world.

And no, I'm not asking you to go sleep with everybody, perverts. Or flirt for that matter. (Did I just dampen your excitment?) Well, boo-hoo.

Anyway, It doesn't have to be the lusty love given out freely. It can be any Essence that you feel strongly for, in a person.

My point?
But when these different "Essences" gather into that one person, Subconsciously, us, the bargain snatchers, say: Okay! let this person fit and replace this, this and this person in our life. And rather save time and see more of this dude/dudette around us. It feels good to be with this person, lets date.

As a result we end up spending more & more time and share more & more details of our life with this, what we first processed as a 'One Bargain Offer', which later becomes the 'Very Important Part of Us'.

Then as you start liking each other more, you begin tailoring yourself to each other's needs and wants...

That is my theory/general idea about how 'going out' 'dating/mating' comes about.

Now comes the amusing part:

People, who are keen on "Goin out" or "Lookin complete" with a partner in tow, don't look at the basics first before throwing themselves into raging infatuation. They look top down. They force themselves to believe: Oh boy oh boy, this is IT! I have an escort, who can maybe even last me a lifetime! yesss!

They want that person ready-made. And so begins the downfall. Things start toppling like house of cards when their expectation piled towering high dont have enough building blocks rooted over time to in order to stay put during the tests humans throw at each other and Cling on even when Life threatens to wrench them apart.

And that of course only happens in fairytales. The clinging-on-no-matter-what-thing, I mean.

So being realistic: You must give. And then you must try not to expect back from the same person, Because karma or whatever ideology you believe in, will bring back to you your generosity in some form/way or the other.

How ironic that i end up postin an entry such as this, in feb. How cliched must my blog have appeared. I dread to imagine. *prrrt*

Postscript. Also i hate the fact that i dont make sense anymore. Frankly. 3 hrs after writing this, and I seemed to have lost my own track of thoughts..
Ignore me here. Clearly, I'm not shakespear. I can never be love-struck enough to give woozy heady lectures regarding the same. I shouldn't even try. It comes as this perplexin utter BS.

Unconditional (b) Luff.

2011-02-12T18:13:00.001+04:00

By now i assumed happy people come to my blog, see the sad but wow-y creative muck im stewing myself in and leave without a comment.
Thinking: Let her bring out the sun first so we can poke our heads out of hiding too.

Well, I'm afraid sweethearts, I can't promise you a Sun on my blog. I can, oh I so very can, promise small happinesses and hilarities of my life. But sun.. hmm we'll have to see about that.
(Okay, How about I draw a sun for every low-sounding post? Ms paint sun? I'll include fuffly white clouds and mountains in background too. Sigh.. the things i must to do to keep you guys smiley). :p

You see, I love cloud cover, I love rain and I lurrrv the trickles of rain crawlin down a misted glass. To many it reads gloom, but to me it reads, well it rumbles rather, excitement which cant wait to burst out of me. I love it soo much I sometime imagine it Rain and Thunder when my car goes into those Auto-car washes.
I get these gleeful waves of delight when my car enters into that slightly dark tunnel of rotating brushes= sudden cloud cover.
The shower of soap and water on car roof = Rain pelting down.
Drops running, stopping, crawling down the windows... sigh.

Try it someday. Its highly recommended funn!

Apparetnly a Valertoony day is coming up! So i was told. I said: "Great lets make a plan u guys! And they're like, "Emm, firstly who single around here ?". My hand was a first to shoot up, (haha, a little defiantly) and then came rest hands up, out of 8-9 atleast 5-6 ppl's hands nudged up. I looked around and said: "Puuurrfect! we have enough to go PARASAILIIING !!!".
When the other girl in group (there are the only two of us) says "I may have plans u guys, dont keep it for 14th. Lets keep it on the weekend...!"

Now, Humph!
Let me get this right! She firstly wants to go have fun with her guy, while we sit and draw circles on paper with boredom with occassional sighs and yawns . THEN some people have the audacity to say " Buddies lets go parasailiiinggggg coz im done with my fair share of cuddles, iphone 4s, dinners, flowers, cards, teddybears, firdge-magnets, watches/diamond pendants and photoframes etc from my guy "

Moti. No, we are NOT taking you! We're gonna go paraSAIL and laugh evily at you from up in the sky. (I pray everyone in the group shares my enthusiasm). Oh this day sucks so hard its not even funny. When i first celebrated it, Yes when Mysh, in all her conciousness, went down that road willingly!

The Excitement..

Guess how it went: This was 4 months after wedding. I panic and beg somebody (from his family)to pleaasee take me to a mall coz i wanted to make it really IS- PAY-SHAL for him. I Scurry around and spend whetva Dhs notes i had saved from past 2 months on a cute big present (Hoping this complies all standards) and one small present (so adorable i wanted to gift it to myself!) and I, being me, believing one gift is never enough - (It has to be a bundle of presents. Always). Ran around to look for card that isn't cheesy but kind of puts across what i want to say. Didnt find any, everything was flowery and rosy and sweet to the point of betrayal, and Diabetes. Ended up with an over the top "swooning card".
Then jus before returning home, I stopped at flower shop to get flowers for him, (by this time i was panting hard for breath and VERY uncomfortable coz his whole family was impatient and angry with me- his sis and bhabi left me behind when they went to get things for their hubby the day before, and said "ooohh you have a huss-bandh too? (we live in same house) you VAAnted to buy geee-ft too?")
Anyway, flower guy was angry coz i told him I want a cream organza wrap for my red flowers, he charged me more than i was left with, so i bargained and said with pouty face, 'Its my hubby's first valertoony with me pleeezz give me 5 dhs discount! He gave me 2 dhs off after more puppy-dog faces and the fact i had 3 dhs in coins. (Seriously, the extent i went to to get him flowers!) I even asked him to add glitter and mist to my roses, which annoyed him further.
Finally, I walk in to a pissed home(pissed mother & pissed husband, but he thought it'll be too cruel if he scolded me coz i had gotten him... flowers?)

The Gift-giving Ceremony..

Now came the long awaited moment! I give flowers to my hubby. *deep breath* Surprize!!- and.. well this how it happened: He was snoozing in sittin room, with cricket match on, I enter the room with a big smile! like this -> :D
His mum watched over my shoulder and he lousily reached up to take flowers from me, and then kept them aside on the sofa.

Oh, well.

Oh and there was a small murmur of ' ..nks..'

O-kay.

Then I gobbled up food, because there was soo much still to do!! And ran out again coz I wanted to get Our Best Honeymoon pic printed, WITH a "love note from me", and have it cutely framed, also to get it specially wrapped with special gift paper. moreover I wanted something to wear for the night as we were going for a dinner. No, it wasn't a surprise.

While lookin for decent top His mother called screaming at me " why did u go?! where did u go?! u drove my daughters CAR! omg omg omg " I said, "Im sorry (ew)ammi but i took permission from baji and my husband, everybody was sleepin and i wanted to use my sleeping time for imran's gift, I even asked my husband, he was okay with it. Infact, he dropped me to baji house..."

"Dayyy-khoo M, Yeh bo-haaat glaa-laat baaat haaaii... HAAAN..." In her Trunchbull thunder.

Matilda squeaked: " Please forgive me im sorry, ammi It wont happen again" .. I didnt know what is not supposed to be happening again, my husband giving me permission to arrange the gift for him or me buying a valertoony gift for my huss-bandh. In retrospect: She hated/despised everything I did for imran, if it meant it'll make him feel good about having a wife or develop a soft spot for me, no matter how small.

Then on the other line.. I get call from him scolding me about goin out, I asked " um.. Am i needed? I told you I was going to buy a few things for tonight, u said its ok--

"No! u were supposed to be home by now and asleep like everybdy else for the Afternoon Nap"

"I'll be back in a jiffy. Jus 10 mins away from the house"

Anyway, that month I had started teaching his baji's 2 li'l kids, a very tough job, but i liked the kids even if they were difficult. These people often made fun of me of how politely talked with the kids and how i didnt know how to scold them, blabla. Anwyay point being it was a Sunday and one of her kids had received Spellings to learn. I went to their adjoining home, aka baji's place, to teach the kid before I got busy with getting ready for dinner and creatively arranging gifts for imran so that he finds him accidentally. Oh yes, even with all that mental torture nothing could supress my happiness and creativity that day.

Second Gift-giving & The Facing of Music..

When i got home from teaching etc, I placed his gift in his car on the seat. Why the car and not the room? Because i knew he will never go to the bedroom with me in the middle of day, even for small chat. It just wasn't allowed. Apparently, I'ld make him fall in love with me irrevocably if he met me on timings not fixed by his mother. Apparently. He said he was going out for something, I had bigger issues waiting for me I knew, he always leaves me when its time to face his parents about something I did. Khair, I said a small prayer and walked into the house with my stomach churning. I went straight to his parents and explained to them Why i had gone out, what i got for him, showed them the card i got for HIS DAD ON BEHALF OF HIS MOTHER for v-day so they dont feel left out, blabbered and joked about myself till they started smiling, however grudgingly. But the storm hadn't gone away I knew, they'll return and punish me in some different way for stealing their son's attention for a few hours.
With that sickening thought, I then ran upstrairs to get ready, I saw this crass red teddy bear kept on the dressing, too hard, stiff and dark for my liking and cuddling. But i LOVED IT , coz it was he first gift he had gotten me since our marriage. Went back to dressing up, Damnit! Nothing new to wear, no facial done, no one to do my hair.. :(

My Hopeless Hopes..

And I wanted to look perfect yet again, so he thanks, secretly atleast, his lucky stars tonight for having me! Its okay, I wouldn't mind if he doesn't get down on knees, nuzzles my hand, look deep into eyes and says: I never thought i'ld be worthy enough to have the honor of having you, Mysh...

Nope! I didnt say I wouldn't do without it. Just a double take, involuntarily given, would be just fine. ;)

Third Gift-Giving..

Everybody in the house had plans, so one by one they all left. He called and said he'll be home soon so i better be ready with his shirt ironed etc, I took this cutest magnet for him which had a tattered bear sayin: " I love u more than chocolates!" wrapped it with a ribbon n placed it near the entrance. And went back upstairs, after he was done dressin, wrote the card and perched it on his side of the bed, so that he finds it later in the night when we return back home.
He found the magnet before leaving n went like, " Huh... yeh kya rakha hai tumne...?"
" mm.. Another gift for u..? :) :) " - (Eww, WHY cudnt you be graceful about receiving a gift. loser!)
"acha.. nice..", You wouldn't believe what he did next. Oh, be real guys! No big bear hugs, neither a cute kiss on the forehead, (who was asking lips anyway, I had lipgloss on!) to thank me. Our boogerhead here went n stuck my gift in that... that KITCHEN's fridge! FOR EVERYBODY TO SEE!! Kitchen's fridge where his mother stringently keeps guard of her fridge magnets!

The Evening Begins..

Anwyay, we left for dinner to Da Vinci's (a place found by his friend to give us dinner after the weddin). Now, I love Italian, true that. But in a formal situation. Anybody who knows me, knows I DO NOT call "dinner" a date. A quality time well spent. No dinner , is food, survival. I like personalized stuff, like when a person uses his OWN BRAINS, well, um.. how about, Walk on the beach? Reserving 2 days at a faraway resort? Bungee jumping?  A sea plane / chopper ride of the city? Or maybe even a very personalized dinner with appetizers served in such mindblowing fashion, that the rest of the dinner is forgotten?
I mean, who wants to have dinner when they're feeling light and fuzzy with bliss, only to spoil it with drowsiness and burps?? Eww. How non-classy.

Well anyway, I later found out it was a set menu coz they had this 'V-day promotion' for the whole public. *eye rolls*.  I was still impressed he went and booked us a table at that restaurant, and oh yea he said he planned to take me clubbin later on to Atlantis, that got me happy and excited. So we better hurry up and eat, because we need to be there before 11. I didnt know why the hurry before 11pm, I do find out later, much my annoyance.

The Coo-chickoo talk..

And ladies and gents we had the most romantic of dinners! Where we discussed his momma. And his baji. mainly because, ba'kaul him, "meri baji meri maa ki jaga hain". I don't mind that: so Am I to my lil siblings.
So we had to include her in our valertoony, so-romantic-its-orgasmic conversation. Pardon the language, buddies.
I also remind him its my first meal with him in nearly a month. Meal..
To that he indignantly says: kya baat kar rahi ho! I had it with on your bro's birthday remember 31st Jan when your parents invited?? And i also had that kali dal, baji made, with you (and others) once for lunch when we stayed the afternoon at baji's place ??"

Er, yea.. sorry I forgot. My bad.

Anwyay.. he keep lookin at his watch. EAT, mysh, eat! We need to hurry up and leave for Atlantis. So Mysh stuffs her face so That HE doesnt feel he wasted money on her. (By now the sophisticated Mysh has blanched and died - so lets not worry about offending anyone)

The Clubbed Clubbin'..

We reach Atlantis. Oh sameer's here with his wife, he says.
Wow really? he brought her clubbin? (She's from his Ga'on(village) but a well-educated smart lady she is)
Pagal ho? No, for dinner etc. She doesn't know he goes clubbin. You know that!
Im left thinkin: Dinner, etc? There is dinner at Atlantis AND ETC on valertoony's...? Wow. You mean, ETC apart from clubbin...? Oh well, i think i'll have a better time than her, without "etc" since i'll be dancing with my hubbbyyy, yay!
With that, I walk with a spring in my step alonside him to Sanctuary.

We reach club entrance, and they stop us. Dang. Now what?
Ma'am, we need your ID.
Excuse me...? what? im.. - Imran??
"She's my wife." He says to him.
Er.. yea, im his wife, I mean, Im old enough.. please let us through, I haven't brought my id.
Tum ID KYUN Nahin laayee?!
Um, I didnt know u need an ID ..? (Duh?)
You may be his wife.. We cant let you through. Ma'am please step aside, if you can let the others pass..?
I felt weird, because there were other girls behind us and they let them through. WITHOUT A WORD. Seriously no "ID please"

The person looks at me and goes away while imran stands a steps below me, and looks around, as if somebody else might come to rescue us from this situation. The music could be heard LOUD this far out at the entrance.

Now this lady returns with a much taller, more well-dressed person who leans close to me and says: "Can I see your ID? ...please?"
"I just told you guys i dont have an id, Im with my husband! " (Duh wht else do u guys want Im old ENOUG!)
" Its our strict policy ma'am, we're sorry... we need an identification"
Now here are altogether 3 people addressing me, the other 2 were attending to the crowd coming up the steps.
They consult each other, and then he asks the most exasperating of questions, with a very stern face: "Are you sure... are you SURE, you are 20-21 atleast??"
"Errrm..what? " I had to laught at that. I look at imran and he's still just looking around. Lettin me deal with my situation.
I told them "Nope. Im not 20 or 21...
They have the most serious of faces, all 3.
" Im 23, for Godsake! Please let me through.." :D
They look at each other, move aside to exchange a few comments with each other-while i laugh - and finally, FINALLY, let me and him through. But they still had this supicious look in their eyes which followed till i got swallowed by the crowd.

Reaching there, this wasn't technically my first time, because I had previously been inside club with girls VERY curious about what 'Discotheque' looks like, and we kinda sneaked in for 10 mins. But that was in a sheraton where we'd come with family to attend some baby girls' birthday. And no we didnt really dance, they were in awe. Me? I was plainly in awe that how people master the art of seeing in the dark, as I kept banging into things and complaining loudly that it was too dark.

Dirty Dancin'..

So reaching there! Well, Sanctuary was huge! Interior was artistically done(ofcourse) in sync with Atlantis theme. I coudn't grasp the idea of how people can suddenly break into a dance, without any reservations about themselves. I mean they weren't even ON the floor. The club was more than half full and as soon as we entered he excused himself saying,"I'm going to meet friends. Dont go anywhere". "Okay.." I say.. And i stood there, looking around, very very uneasy. I look about the place and spot him chatting with his friends. I mean, I'm his wife? Hello? Where are his manners? Isn;t he supposed to be making me comfortable in this extreamely new place? But no, he laughs and claps hi-fives with these never before heard of buddies, who congratulate him on his wedding. And Of course, Im not introduced to them. Moving on, as the club rapidly fills up imran excuses himself more often than is tolerable,
" Mysh stay here, mein abhi aya... mysh jana nahin yahin raho.. Im coming"
Thsi happened 4-5 times , his absence stretching for 10-15 mins each. While I stand bewildered on the dance floor, squeezed between dancers who dont know how to keep their distance. My attempt to remain untouched or brushed by someone to other were futile. Everybody appeared so tall around me for some reason.

No, he hadn;t reserved a table for us. No, I had no place to sit. Or to even place my clutch and stand. I was just stupidly standing in the middle of dancers trying not to be overwhelmed. I wanted to rush to the washroom and spend the rest of my time there, till he decides to leave.

Oh btw, the entrance to the 7 *Atlantis, The Plam's Sanctuary was free before 11pm. So there now you know why he was so eager to leave early from dinner.

Finally, Ass comes over, and tells me, "Asim and his wife are here too..!" Im like "Great! I'll have some company on valertoony night! " Seriously relieved, although I had never met his wife before in my life. Asim made me feel very very welcome as he was dancing, in a circle with a couple of his friends and his wife. I only knew Asim there, and he made me smile. But as soon as I joined them my MAjazi Khuda left again. I kept lookin around to spot him, but he probably took care not to be seen. Asim asked me ' sup? ..' And I had nuthing to say to him. Asim never left his wife's side. And they danced together. That was soo sweet. Anwyay he finally came over and stood for few mins in our circle then takes Asim aside too.
Uske baad comes over and says, " chalo mysh lets go, kal office bhi hai yaar.."

Im like sure.. "please!"

Sweet Nothings...

On the way home: he says, with a smile so smug, you'ld think he'll burst his face: SO! u'r first time clubbing! Who all r u going to tell about me bringin you here? And how was your VERY FIRST valertoonies day?? huh huh?? *Im so f***in smug smug smug*

Err... not my first time in a club. I've been before with a big group of girls for afew mins. But yeah.. it was... nice. Music could have been better..-

Wha -YOU DIDNT TELL ME you had been to a club before blablbalbla..
I did.. u prolly werent listening. I even told u how i found it wayy too dark and-
BUT YOU didnt tell me you had been to a club before blablbalbla..

The After Party...

Back home, Past 2 am: I pick my magnet from the kitchen before going upstairs to my room. Take out his formal shirt
and trousers to begin ironing. Nope, laundry service wasn't available for Mysh. No, even the maid wasn;t allowed to do ironing/laundry for mysh. mother's Rules.

While I ironed in the corridor, he enters the room, checks out the card that was placed for him, probably smiles, keeps it in the drawer and sleeps.

So! No, I don't desire to be inflicted by the pains and tortures of this horrible day, ever again. Once bitten twice shy.

Im single and I'm haPppPpiiiee.

*whistles:  I'm feelin like a star, You cant stop my shine..... Im loving cloud 9, My head's in sky...*

Oh, I hope you guys enjoyed the roller coaster ride. I need a coolant now.

And I Write Like?

2011-02-08T19:17:00.000+04:00

I came across this entry on Eddie's blog. Where he was referred to this link through his friend.

You enter your writings in the "Analyser box" .. and it analysis what famous writer, from today or history, do you write like. I entered my three different posts written in three very different moods and situations. And got three different results. First writing looked like Harry Harison. Second like George Orwell. These two links here arent going to lead you to the history and biographies of these Authors. No,no, no - they're gonna lead you to My Writings, which the analyser analysed, that resemble these Writers respectively.

This one was familiar. This author I knew of. God, I should even be very flattered by result, because she's so popular! *humbled*

I write like
Stephenie Meyer

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Post Analysed: Prologue.

Apart from the teen-ish dracula/vampire stuff ( yes, i hated bella and thought she was very stupid to begin with). I think Stephenie Meyer writes with creativity thats is praise-worthy.

P.s. Oh and I tag everyone reading to this link.

Awesomeness

2011-02-04T12:38:00.000+04:00

Today I realized what a sharp contrast of impression many people, who know me by face, name, occasional hey-hellos and small general conversations about weather, have.

Not just 1, but 3 people, in one day, have come up with random conversation all leading reflectin their general idea of me.

Me? Im jus plain surprized and taken aback slightly. I also find it hilarious.

We can be so0o judging even when we're not being mean.

1st person [My reaction: Appalled]:

U knw what u remind me of...?? :)

what.. do I remind you of?? *interested*

Well, if u ask initally, I thought you're some serious smartness about to conquer world.. But today, u'll be surprised..

'kay, surprize me..?

Im' a barbie girl, in the barbie worlllllddd...

What!?!

U can brush my hair... and dress me ANYWAYYYYYY (at this point her vioice got louder) IMAGINATION THAT IS YOUR CREATION!!!

I naturally, laughed it off. But she comes over and shares this Enlightenment with another girl who's sitting beside me. "U know what she reminds me off ".. etcetc. After bein done with the song she turns to me and says: Yes, thats the attiude u shud keep ALWAYS. *wink wink*

er...?

Coz if u dont you, You'll end up like me, yelling to get attention, screaming at people to get things right, and tunrning into an old grumpy hag, basically.

2nd girl: Yeah but not soo bluntly.. True beauty come from with in..

(Big Note: I've always Hated barbies. I'm nothing like them. Yes, I was scared of them when I was a kid, and grew up with cars, planes, robots, and teddy bears ONLY. And i didnt know where his conversation was going)

Meanwhile, I'm forced to wonder; Do they even know me to be saying all this? No, ofcourse they dont or else they wouldn't have synchronized Me to into fashion and beauty category, plus another 'fun-lovin' category, that is soon to be mentioned.

1st lady: No seriously, sweetheart. I dont want you to change.. infact, flaunt as much as you like my dear, (Flaunt what exactly?).. And go .. you can brush my hair & dress me Anywayyyyy-yay!. Then she wriggles her butt cutely to demostrate her point. Keep enjoying your life, sweety, do not end up like me or her... Okay??

She, still humming same song, leaves me and other girl. Other girl looks at me. I havent really spoken a word since this whole conversation started wanting to correct the impression, I open my mouth to speak up, when this girl says:

You know.. Enjoyment sirf yeh nahin hoti..

... er.. u'r right but..

I mean how much "fun" can you have. (now she takes a slight patronzing tone, which tells me she's discouraging me if i plan to pick a random friend from my circle and start "enjoying life" with him right on spot. Sickening! u have no idea how I'm laughing and gettin' disgusted at the same time with their whole outrageous idea behind this conversation. She carries on.

I mean, I drinking and passing out and playing around ki bhi hadd hoti hai, haina? I believe so!

I think ..- I wanted to retort: Hadd hoti hai?? Babes isn't it not supposed to there to start with?? Yeh kya bakwas hui.

But she carries on, cuttin me off: Y'know, variety isnt all that amazing and fun as it sounds to people.. in the end u'r only looking, in everybody, for the very person you truly indulged with the first time..

*Silence..*

I didnt argue with her after that. I smiled and let her express her views, lettin her and the other lady happily assume im some "cute-lookin perfect princess with a perfect happy-life" type who only ever has to worry about her hair and her nails, and who should be catering to her needs for the current month.

2nd Person- About 17-18 yrs older than I am, about Mum's age. [My reaction: this I found the cutest]:

Older Lady: So... You're the youngest in your family..?

Me: No.. :)

Oh- yeah u'r probably the only child- sorry.. Spoilt Brat! It must be a lot of fun tho.. right?

What being the only child? No.. *smiling inwardly @ "spoilt brat"*

Aww.. u must be so lonely at home, But atleast u get the overdose of attention from both your mum n dad... how cute. Gettin whatever u want from whereevr you want, Everything at finger tips?? Touchwood. :)

Lol..

Yeah.. ask us, big family people.. No time for anything, driving around like mad.. no time to scratch head let alone condition and make hair beautiful.. Its even more tough specially being the eldest ... do u know?

Really... Wht happens, when u'r the eldest??

Well, u have huge amount of responsibilities to start with, u can't just sit or relax whenever you want, your routine is either tightly fixed or chaotically distorted. Seriously.. thank your lucky stars kid!!

Omg. Imagine that, And I thought i had a hectic schedule: Manicure, scalp massage and picking up the new YSL's masscara. All in ONE DAY!!

Dont worry, sweety u'r only what? 19-20? Your time of responsibility is a long way from now.

You're a supergirl to have managed it all.. seriously, T, im not even kiddin here.

She beams with tired pride.

Note: I am the eldest amongst 6 siblings. And I've played every domestic role possible and imaginable -(including our culture. Apart from usual eldest Daughther & Sister -Brother, Wife, bahu-maid, bhabi, dewarani, Mami etc)- for, not just women, but in some cases men too. I've even played Mum&Dad to my kids whenever our Mum and Papa are out of country.

3rd Person [My reaction: Appalled and Murderous]:

Him. I hate. I'm not kidding.

Close the door, Blondie. And come here..

"excuse me, blonde what..?" Not quite catching' what he said.

Why r u gettin upset. I didnt mean you.. - What do u want?

Actually, Im worried about these awards those need to..-

Those are happening and you're worried what u'll wear to these? Oh my.. I cant believe, I am able to think like you!

Excuse me? Can you please confirm my shipment to Egypt and Saudi so i can go back and resume in peace?

Go back to filing nails and learning how to remember faces?? Nope.

Can I speak to ur manager, Laura is it?

Yes, laura kroft.. please go find her for me.. blondie.

Someone walks in, And im, put aside, so he can address me at a leisurely pace, while I seeth with anger:

Then suddenly he has the guts to say this randomly to Other Guy: u knw.. some people dont know how to count? But u shudnt expect too much anyway.. *looks towards me*

Other guy: Yea .. she must a manager, they'r so dumb i swear.

Loser: No, not a manager.... but a blondie, yea..

Other guy: man.. u can atleast treat ur eyes..-

Loser: Anyway! How can i help you?

When the Other Guy leaves I tell him to: Go squat & sniff in your grass area.. (not very graceful, I know)

And he goes like: Woah blondie.. ouch. U jus showed signs of a brain in that pretty lil head!

I was soo pissed, I couldn't think of a more elegant retortt: I can hit you with my phone and wouldn't mind if it gets destroyed in process.

Gettin physical now..??

Him, I've met altogether 3 times for about less than 3 mins. Him, I cant stand for more than 3 seconds.

I am not a blond, neither do I have blond streaks or hi-lights(eww). And my IQ is higher than him. Nobody talks to me like that, I swear. Some ass, he doesn't even care if he offends me. How dare he?? What if I'm older to him? Doesn't care about the aloof atmosphere, I maintain after the pleasantries, that people normally get deflected by. *grinds teeth*

. . .

God, How they assume! I didnt feel like spoiling their rosy image of happiness with my actual miseries. Its good that I give off a positive outlook *winks* to people, and make them think all hope is not lost. It doesn't even matter if they know the truth or not. Lol.

A Berry Happy Birthday. Yes, we're officially infected.

2011-02-02T16:54:00.002+04:00

Did I mention to you guys it was my dearest brother's Birthday on 31 Jan??

"Dearest" is a very carefully chosen word here, I cudnt have said my most adorable, or my sweetest, simply. No, sir, he isnt any of of that above and quite happily too. He's not just your average annoying brother, he angers me to my limits. I am usually growling and agitated with anger when we're done (or lack thereof) with an argument, oh also, we're at each other neck if we're not busy threatening to snitch each other to papa. A simple disgreement can end up in broken doors n whatnots. He's just lazy and Im too much a 'perfectionist' (his words) for him. He also, lovingly calls me everything that rhymes with 'api', but Api. And expect me to respond. Usually thinks I'm a "pure noob" and an "Original Nerd".

But he's dear, Oh very very very dear, I'll give a hand n a leg for him, if it comes to that. He's made me wait nearly 9 years to come join me on here earth. And I've prayed to God since I was old enough to imitate what my Mum does for prayers, which means I was probably 4-5 when I started asking for Brothers and Sisters, with my two tiny palms spread opened side-by-sie in supplication, loads and loads of them.

Me mentioning all this on my blog, should have been the most exhilarating and satisfying gift for him. But no, since he's a Big Guy now. To you guys, he's 17 or 18, as he likes to claim. To me he's 15 year old kid. (I'm half lookin behind me to see if he comes runnin to protest) He wanted BB Torch. So much soo that he started referring to me "Apeeeeee", during those dark times when nobody was listening to him.

Anyway, we naturally laughed and ignored him totally. Then having his typical uncanny ability to make Mum and Dad change their minds and start cosidering the possibility, next thing i knew it was: "No... It shudn't be a Torch, it could be a Bold, last years or something, infact, since u'r such a kid you should go for Curve."

Anyway, long story short.. we both went yesterday to get BB for ourselves after much pondering and decision making and changing of minds, and cancelling the idea altogther 5-6 times, on my part. We ended up as 1 proud and elated(him) and other frowning-at-whats-in-her-hands (me) siblings, Butts Bitten By the Blackberry Bug.

(Hey- try this saying it 15 times.. i jus made a tongue/lip sputterer)

Why does it have so many buttons?? I keep pressing screen several times for whatever I want, before I get pissed at having to decide what button its supposed to be. This is soo complicated and geeky. Touch screen reads Elegance. Sorry Bb users, no offence, but BB isnt my personality (which is wild crazy spontaneous with unexplained elegance thrown in good measure) I wanted the ifone4 or the N8(orange), but I was brainwashed that it hangs alot and basically makes your life very miserable. And me, the sensible person, fell for it. But it isnt so bad.. I mean i recieve my text messages and get to attend my calls alright, apart from this im afraid to venture further from my safe homescreen, as yet. Too many buttons to risk my luck. A full-touch screen addict will sympathize with me, im sure.

Khair. Ofcourse, Alhamdulilah, Im grateful to Allah ji for eveything. This I say because suddenly remembered an old school saying that used to be hair-raising back then. Still is:

" I whined about Blackberries and Apples, until I saw a man without FruitOfChina ".
- M. A

Cant Think of a Title

2011-01-31T19:03:00.001+04:00

Moved here.

A Victory in sight.

2011-01-29T19:25:00.005+04:00

Show encrypted text

Clueless riders.

2011-01-27T15:27:00.000+04:00

Okay, until now frankly, I didn't know literature was kind enough to give a proper name to a certain people who, amongst other things, drifted through life, clueless and confused about their purpose of existence, and then when they got tired of doing that(too soon), plopped down on couch and declared to world quite intelligibly and they have no idea about whatever the hell is going on, and SINCE they don't like Giving to, so its no point Taking from the God/universe/family/neighbours/friends/angels, because then they will be obliged to give back which is pain in the ass.

And hence, hence amico: They don't Believe. In anything.
But hey, it looks like that in itself is a belief. See? One should never discriminate and judge-people-who're-dying-to-be judged. Its rude and wrong. And you could be thrown in their non-Hell for doing that or something..

Apart from all the bitchiness: Yes i do believe there still might be purpose for these sort of people to exist. And who knows they maybe serving their purpose already.

Tell them.

2011-01-25T08:57:00.000+04:00

She hits all the right nerves, she does. And nothing more. No broken pink hearts, no crushed butterflies and other bullshittin.

Now when all is gone, there's nothing to say,

And If you're done with embarrassing me,

On your own you can go ahead tell them:

Tell them All I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line.

Tell them, what I hoped would be Impossible.

Wont you, dear?

you will recognize a few things others wont. If you, insignificant you, ever watch/listen to it.

ullu. ki. dum.

2011-01-23T13:00:00.000+04:00

I have unintentionally, unexpectedly and successfully turned into a part vegan. (Yea, that would describe me well. Part Vegan. No, not vegetarian).

Firstly because: I, my friends, am craving, yes craving, a yummy stir-fry(oriental or mexican). Now, who in the, qeema-fry loving, chicken-biryani worshippin, haleem-grounding nation, does THAT. Seriously.

Part vegan, u may raise your eye-brows up on?

Well, yes. As these days, Im avoiding meat, chicken, and fish, moreover, staying away from animal by-products too. Plus even reading every food label that I come across to look for sneaky percentage of innocent looking 'rennet' or whatever im told its called. Im highly suspicious of every food that passes under my nose, in reality or in mags.

I've started disliking the after-taste a piece of meat leaves in one's mouth once all juices of The famed Desi Masala have flown down one's throat. Even a poor harmless whole-wheat bread has a hard time getting my approval, due to the animal-sounding-ingredient slipped into it by the evil baker.

Now u say what makes Mysh a "part one of those kind"?

Well, fact is, I know myself a little too well, u see. If ever there was the slurpy occasion, where upon, I'm faced with a a steaming hot, chewy slice of Margarita dela Roma or its clan, No vegan hold will bar me from lunging for it. And anybody who reminds of this post, will indeed face a Life-or-Death situation.

Also add to that guilty but pompous cart, caramel pudding and chunky choc. cip cookie, and yoghurt ice-cream and and.. well, thats all i can think of atm.

Haan so, a confused part vegan, asks you how to get her hands on the best "Delivered Oriental Stir-Fry" in dubai.

Also, what does a tofu look like?!

It could, and, is supposed to be replacing my meat-and-egg-craving vices these days, hai na?. - (DO NoT give me that look! im only a "part" vegan remember? Like you, my Mum never served us Sindhi Tofu Biryani either, duh) - Where, in the hypermarket, do you find it ..er I tired freezer and refrigerator, and I know I will eventually google it and have it with me by today evening but I want to get the reviews about its taste too.

So people hit commet now, n get talking.

Oh Damn. this blubbery and Inartistic moment was supposed to appear in my Mo0ody blog.. oh well- pardon me, too lazy for that now

Bheeg jao.

2011-01-23T02:23:00.001+04:00

Isnt it one of the most beautiful, amongst the list of other mind-blowingly beautiful, Rain-themed songs produced by Our Pakistani Talent?

I present to you this:

Select Your GIfts!

2011-01-18T18:09:00.000+04:00

If you are a techie or a gadget person, answer this:

What Giveaway would you rather pick amongst these:

a) 4Gb Flash Disk USB
b) Wireless Mouse.
c) Laser mouse with stylish retrievable cord.

If you are one of those Client-meetings/ Suited-formal type, pick one.

a) Leather Coat Wallet
b) Leather card holder (one that can be carried around)
c) Lapel Pins
d) Tie pins
e) Cuff links (yes, all from nice brands)

Chicks in IT or client-meetin, formal types, either choose from above or pick one:

a) Scented Candle to place on your desk
b) Pretty Funky-lookin Laser Mouse (yea retrievable cord etc)
c) Beautiful ornament-type Journal.

Feel free to run wild with more suggestions. I'll appreciate it.

Incense of a Differrent nature.

2011-01-17T20:05:00.032+04:00

An average rich Official Western Man, with a few casual affairs with wine and sumthin else, but loyal to his wife, daugther, son etc gets murdered by an Uneducated terrifying Man.

Reaction: A Sad, sad, story, causing incense amongst the nation and media world, regardless of how he spent his life, whether he went to the church, read bible, or give alms to poor or not

Think about his wife.. his kids.. poor fellow!

An average rich Official Man, belonging to Pakistan, with a few casual affairs with wine or sumthin else, but loyal to his wife, daughher, son etc gets murdered by an Uneducated terrifying Man.

Reaction: Rallies, pages, debates, EVEN fatwas supporting the murder, the works.

Well Salman Taseer was not a religious man. Terrifying Man who killed him WAS NOT A RELIGIOUS man.

Religion was never involved here to begin with.

What i dont undersatnd is that WHY are they hiding behind ISLAM to Support or even Rally Against this incident?

Islam is already in jeopardy. It doesn’t require cowards crouching behind it any more, please.

Leave Islam be, and support what you have to say using whatever bad salman taseer did to u personally, PERSONALLY if you have to.

I’ll will be ALL EARS to their argument then. I swear.

1 comment like this from me on FB and I would see a page that says "Ban Mysh from Facebook for Supporting Logic" next. Might be fun. But no thanks.

Damsel in Distress

2011-01-15T17:56:00.000+04:00

Right. So I had a Big Day to go to and with all other urgent things - having the strange knack of happening simultaneoulsy in my life with the bigger plans - I was left with an option of goin shoppin for the gift till the day before the Big Day.

Anyway, I decide to finish stuff early to make time for shoppin etc, after a hectic day.. I finally get to my main to-do items of the day, Shopping, Nails, then later Mehndi, and then Catch Sleep. Before I could leave, I had to run a few errands, thats okay, then i was asked to pick and drop something important, no prob there.. then on the way home, everybody wanted to have pizza. O0o0okay... with my patience running out, i manage to drive over with calm and get the takeaway, oh! -jus one last errand - the flower guy needs to be told of those 'kangan' flower bangles(whateva u call them). And by 10, finally, I head to Debenhams to pick a few things up, those would go with my chosen gifts' theme.

I stop by maybeline for masscara, and then at BeneFit for blush and concealer that I chekced out in malaysia a year ago but coudln't buy due to.. erm, the look that i got which said "My money! Duh I cant spend on u !!" frm my ex. Anyway shucks! They dont have em on display anymore, i look for the assistant and ask her to look for the VERY item for me, and after failing to convince me about the new offer, she rummages in her stock. A few mins later- voila! they still have it!! But its about 35-40% more than what it was back in malaysia, "dees-counted price madaam" but since I developed a crush on those two things back in malaysia a year ago, i knew this crush was hard to die. I bought them, (widout tellin mum ofcourse) n tried not to look guilty. Then found mum and went back to buying gifts...

Stopped at body shop for their offer on room frangnaces (yes, go. hurry!) n went to carrefour to get groccerries.. which annoyed my bro so he bugged the hell out of us to go drop him to his friend's place. Now I ignored him, so after a lilttle while of hearing .. "Aaaapppeeeeeeeeeeeeee... Apppeee... APEEE!" .. all was quite. I asked mum about him, she said he couldn't wait, even though she asked him to n has gone to his friend's. We step out and I rummaged in my bag to look for my keys and wallet. I find the wallet, simultaneously, Mum tells me about these beautiful diamanté earrings that she saw that go very well with my white & royal blue dress. With my hand still in my bag i ask her to get the keys out of her bag.
"But you haven't given me the keys". say, Mum.
No mum, aapke paas hongi, coz i dont have them in my bag!
"Look carefully.. must be somewhere in there."
"No mum... :S .."
Then she stares at me. And we stare at each other more.
Shit.
"Go check the bread's area".
"I will... please inform the security guy mum."
I look up and down the bakery shelves.. nothing there. Then go over to Nivea stall coz thats where I tried nail color. Nothing at all. Damn it could have been anywhere... think mysh think!... Oh jeez body shop! Found mum, n told her about my inklings. But, by now the body shop was closed, and so was Debenhams, I was informed with the kind of patience only a Mum could foster at that time with such news!
But.. I went to fengshui stall too mum..
You went to saks fifth?
Mum we drove here from saks fifth, so i had the keys when i entered.
Security guy: u can go down, and check,maybe...
Down where? To whom? it so big! Plus I left it either at body shop or debenhams.. Can you, please, pleeeeeeeeezz open the store so I can check?? You're the SECURITY guy right..
Yes yes... but no key. No key.
But ALL SECURITY GUYS have keys. That's what they are for.. maybe if you check in your pockets or desk drawer??. I was so desperate, then, i was reminding him where he might have placed the keys he's never seen in his life.
"Maybe the guys downstairs.." HE starts SMILING. yes. smiling.
I wanted to scream. WHAT guys! WHO guys??
you downstairs go... check.. *shrugs*
I, quite understandably, wanted to punch him.
Instead I went down with mum, except for a few shoppers leaving from carrefour, could see nobody in uniform, to help me or direct me to someone who could. So ran aimlessly, like headless chicken, lookin around for someone who resembled a security officer n found a tall dark lone figure approaching. I literally ran to him tried to explain him my story between gasps..
he said: ma'am . its okay.. It's alright. Would you please come with me..?
He took me to an office that was in one deep corner of the huge CC's parking area. And asked me to explain to the guy sitting behind the desk. I repeated the info to him, how I went to debenhams first then body shop.. it could be in any of the two, yes im damn sure, jus these two places.. no i did not visit the washroom in the whole time, er.. why would I check washrooms if i didnt go at all? Why do i give him 2 places? because, if i was aware I was leaving it at one particular place i would have picked it up and saved myself and others from all this trouble and drama.. duh?
He asked me to wait, while he called his Supervisor. I was expecting a lousy fat short lazy guy with no sympathies and understanding to whats going on and to whom i'll have to rant my throat dry in order to explain the situation again and again. And instead walked in the tall, well dressed, dark (yes proper dark chocolate colored!) well built man, who upon arriving asked a few questions, not from me, but the person who receievd us initially, then went to ask me in his deep calming voice, " body shop and debenhams only. Right?"
..*clear throat* .. yes.
Okay.. Im callin the body shop person to ask if they've found anything before closing. and then we call debenhams manager. Would u like something to drink? Please relax.. and have seat. He directed me to one behind the desk, you know the big square soft ones, where you feel small jus by sittin on it??
'kay... thanks.
Somehting to drink?
Jus water will be fine, thanks (not only was he handsome, but knew what had to be done!)
Anyway, Body shop manager says she didnt come in today so she doesn't know anything about it, but she can find out and let us know. She called back after a lil while and said her attendant found nothing while closing it down, But they'll do a through search tomorrow morning for the keys.
Uh-oh.. *panic strikes again..*
Handsome Supervisor: Its okay let me try debenhams now.. we'll find them for you.. dont worry. *smiles*
The manager on the other end of call, asked the Charming Supervisor to ask me what floor [of debenhams] did i leave it on.
er.. ground, I think?
No car keys reported. other items yes, cameras and fones..but no car key..
It was a red & silver key chain, contained house-keys and few others apart from just car key.
Only locker-lookin keys, and card entry type ones.. nothing red and silver..
I looked at the supervisor guy, there were probably tears threatening to pour out, (yes, i was goin paranoid coz I'll be in trouble with papa and i didnt want that).. when he hurriedly hung up on the manager and came to me: Do you have any back up keys to enter your house? If you have an apartment we can ask your security guy to get you master keys.
Wondering what, he was saying.. i say no i live in villa.. *sniff*
Oh.. okay, dont worry. Do you any spare under your .. flower pot or sumthing?
Er.. (i felt i shouldn't mentioned the fact that i have 2 brothers, 2 sisters and Papa at home, as it'll burst his whole ' caring for the lady' attitude. So i said) .. no i dont have any keys under any flower pots..
Which wasnt a lie ofcourse. I didnt have keys under flower pots!
What about your car?
No, no spare keys.. (seriously this i was REALLY sick with worry about as I had no extra keys anywhere!)
Suddenly Mum, with her brilliant brains suggested they go through the surveillance camera.. to see to what all outlets have i carried the keys to and probably spot where i left them.

They ring in a few people... and meanwhile I thought i should clear my own doubts first too, I wanted to check my car and area around it as well. So I excused myself and left their offices. Upon reaching the car, praying all the while that i find them lying on the seats or dropped by the side of car, I checked on seat with bated breath, and under the car...
Well, nothing. They weren't there. I had locked the car and left the keys up in the mall. No doubts there.
Went back to the office and saw a bulky, kinda important-lookin, filipino guy asking mum about where all we've been, i took over and informed him of our full shoppin track.
Filipino guy: We dont have cameras inside debenhams ma'am, but we have them on travelators and other non-tenants covered areas, these are dresses you guys were in 2 hrs ago?
"Er.. yes?". We haven't had the time to change in to sleeping dresses for the night yet.
We're goin in *points to this big thick grey colored vault like security room* to replay the last 2 hrs of tapes, we'll let you know if we learn something".
"Thanks.."
MEanwhile a new person comes in and informs us that if we do not remove our car from the parking lot, the overnight charges are dhs 300-400 something. I told him I don't wish to leave my car in your parking by will.
No ma'am the police will charge you for using the parking overnight. We cannot do anything.
Excuse me?? But I do not have my keys! Can I talk to your supervisor regarding this?
After a while the supervisor comes back with fruit juices. YES. fruit juices for me and mum. How very kind! Although he looked really funny, cute even, carrying two juice cartons that looked tiny mini in his big dinner-plate sized hands. Note: And I'm so not being racist here(coz i LOVE Will Smith). I've never - ever- in my entire life swooned over a dark guy(desi atleast). Really, simple fact, they just dont catch my eye

So he says: A li'l sugar in your system will relax your nerves.. *turns to mum* Its late i know but we're doing all we can i assure you..
Me: um...that other guy told me of the overnight charges..
Upon that he searches his drawers and comes up a card. (His card??) And says: take down this number, and call this guy, he'll unlock your car for you and make you a spare key. And meanwhile I can talk to those other people responsible for the parking area about your car.
Told him he's a savior. The filipino guy comes out of the vault and says they saw me entering and heading straight to debenhams with the keys in my right hand but wasnt carryin anything except phone and shoppin bags when I exited the place. So, great! It IS debenhams. i asked the supervior if have they (poeple dispathced upstairs) found the anything as yet? To that he tells me, they haven't come up with anything because the debenhams secuirty guy said nothing that lookin like a bunch of keys has been reported to him tonight. then after a while; "I can arrange a taxi pickup for you.." and you can come at 10 in morning to check with us. We declined his offer.. since munaf had just called and upon hearin all this he said 'Papa kept a spare on the top right side of his wardrobe a few months ago, but Apy, if you find it there, dont tell him I told you.' My adorable sweetheart that he is!

We went out to get a cab.. nearly stopped one when mum said, "how are you going to find a cab back to CC from home at 2:45?" To that I called A so to have someone drop me back to city center.. kept callin but she didnt answer. It was so cold I was all goosebumpy despite wearing shrt and pullover. Panick struck.. various people stopped to give us a lift. Could think of no one to call at that time. So I called the only person I could rely on at this hour coz that someone once very sweetly and kindly said " Why the FUCK didnt you call me when you were out on fuckin roads, alone, clueless and shit scared about where to go after the violence attack on your house on 11th april?! Remember this: police and I would have taken care of the whole situation MUCH better and in no time"

So I dialled the number of the Groom-to-be-in-less-than-15-hours, without thinking of course, that I'm bothering a GROOM-to-be-in-less-than-15-hours, or I wouldn't have called at all. Following is the conversation:
Picks up on 2 ring surprizingly: You have weird timings dude!
er.. hello?
How the hell did you know I wz up at this time!? :D You couldn't have called at a better time, I was jus thinking of u.
(I saw his name).. I didnt know u were up. And Why in the world were you thinking of me before your wedding? Im in trouble.. and its very cold.. :( I ..-
Hey, leme give you a call back. And he hangs up.

I look at mum and she goes like: WHO did you call?!?
Er.. [i say his name in a tiny voice]
ARE. YOU. CRAZY !!!?
I..-
Its HIS WEDDING TOMORROW!! And you call him with such stupid thing! Are you out of your mind.
shit.. i knw. I did it without thinking, Mum... nobody else came to my mind.
BUT THATS NOT HIS PROB is it! Tum PAGAL ho? HE HAS MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN HELPING YOU OUT RIGHT NOW.. you realize that dont you?
Mum! calm down.. he.. hung up. So its okay.. I dont think he can help at the moment.. dont make me feel guilty pleeeeeeez.. I know I shouldn't have...

We look around to hail a cab again. My fone rings.. Its him.
Where are you..
Er.. what happened to you? Listen.. im sorry i shudn't have bothered you and all..
MISHI .. where the fuck are you right now?? i hear cars behind you, are you OUT on the ROAD at this time?? what exactly happened!? Are you alone?!
Um.. I lost my car keys.
Shit. where
CC, now i need to go back home
Thats okay.. im coming
No, i need to come back here and remove car from parking to avoid the overnight fines etc. So I need to go back home, Papa doesn't know of this drama so I'll have to sneak into his room, pray I find the keys, then sneak out all the way here to get my car... look, im sorry again, i shudn't have done this to you especially just few hours before your own Wedding.
Mishi, do you think I'll leave you like this after hearing you're out at this time stuck with no key and transport to take you back and forth??
No. But I'm with mum.. relax. Shit, im sorry.. :$
WHAT!? YOU are out like this with your Mum?!!? Poor aunty..wait fuck- Im in my..
what?.. shorts?
No. Yes. shorts and 2-door. I'll call u back.

Mum lets go sit inside, he's coming, and dont make me feel guilter than I already am feeling. :S
We go in. He calls back: "Im on my way, 10 mins okay? dont worry".
Hey, drive safe, you CANT make here in 10 mins from barsha! Its okay.. we'll wait..
I always drive amazing. You need to admit it. And yes, I can, in 10mins, wanna bet?
Get lost. you'll lose.

He comes in talk to those security guys and pick us up and takes back home. All the while tellin me, He's doing this coz he hopes I'll do the same if he's stuck like this someday. Let alone the fact that he's self-sufficient enough to pull and dig his own patrol out of the sand alone if he's stuck and lost in desert. Yes, its true.

Anyway, we reach home, -WAIT its not over yet! DRAMA continues- He stops in front of my house, and i say my thanks and tell him i'll back soon with keys, lets jus pray they'r there etc.. When i glance out of the window and jus happend to admire my house when i see, Papa, yes PAPA, practically leaning out of the window lookin around and "taking in the view" like its 7am in the morning instead of 3:15! He probably coudnt recognize the car, but he was curious I could se.. " DRRRRIIIIIVVEE...Mum dont get out of the car!"
Mum: WHAT are you doing??
Mum! PApa... lookin out of the window!! wasn't he supposed to be sleeping at this time??!
He was.. But.. Why is he up?
Mum he has a very troubling sixth sense, i TOLD u! Who asked him to get up all the way from sleep, walk to the window and look down PRECISELY when we halted at the entrance!?
I dont know beta.. aapke Papa hain. You can expect anything.. But why are u asking him to drive around like crazy?? Beta, aap humein ghar utar do, Isko choro ye pagal hai...
Him: Teeeheee, now its offcial! Mishi pagal hai.
Why, Thanks mum? Please drop us towards the garage side..
Mum rolls her eyes and tell me not to be stupid. Duh, she wont see papa's sour mood and the blame game of linking EVERYTHING that happens for next few weeks, back to "Mysh losing her car-keys". I will!
She gets off.. and fone rings, its Papa. I beg her to pleeeaaassseeee not tell papa about this. And she tells him to buzz us in. Then she turns to me and says "I wont tell him if you promise never to lose keys again, and bother the poor guy like this.."
I promise I promise I promise!!!
Papa's is furious but i hear her tell him that she lost the car keys and that it took us sometime to find it through help from security guys etc, thats why it took us ages to get home. Then after a while, me waiting on the stairs and wondering how to get the keys while papa's up and talking Mum comes over gives me a stern look and drops the SPARE key down. Lol, I blew her kiss and went tip-toed out to his waiting car..

"You know I feel very heroic right now. I am helping out a Damsel-in-Distress, and if i tell my friends that I rescued a damsel in distress and got rewarded nothing in return, I'll feel pretty much like a loser for helping you out..."
YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED. i'll ask her to be cooperative and little more submissive to you tomorrow night... ;)
Promise?? Coz she's jus like you.. clueless about a important things in life!
Hey- thats rude! I know quite a few things.. I wz married remember??!
Still that doesn't count. With all due respect, It seemed to me you need manlier man who could take care of you better. I would say even if you were still married!
Sad.. but, Coudn't agree more.
So, you promise to tell her what you said to me earlier? :p
Lol, Yes. But you are a very perverted person.
Why! Im taking you around so safely even your Mum trusts me!
You just asked for a "sexual favor"...

We talked and made some more fun of me till we reached my car, took it out of parking.. and came to the exit barrier where I was informed I am required to pay coz its been more than 4 hours since I parked my car. Uff, needed some form-filling and requests put forward and permission sought, until FINALLY I could take my car home without much further ado.

Phew. There. done.

Fine, fine

2011-01-13T17:35:00.000+04:00

Call: (sumbody i've recently met, never have spoken to over phone)
Hi ahmed...
Oh hiiiiii..
Dude. You dont know who i am.
I do.
Who?
M !
wow.. so u had my no. saved already? that wz quick.
No. I have ur voice ecthed... in my heart.
Hm.. thought i sounded diff over fone.
What do u want??
erm.. Can u look around you n book a place for me... pleez?
No i wont. I found place of 3rd floor myself. and right now im havin coffee..
*ouch* .. oh...okay.. (rude insaan!)
kiddin' i found place in the stuffiest corner, u may find a better place when you come here..
HOW... why..
simply 'coz u're better lookin??
Thats a very nice way of talkin youself out of a task. Thanks..
No, seriously you have more chances..
I'll see u soon..

How useless was that conversation, u are allowed wonder.

Moving on, Funny how you suddenly start driving in a tamed and law-abiding fashion in the days that follow after being issued a big fine..

Congrats mysh, your first ever _____ ticket! :D

Papa's not that delighted tho.

Have headache. Want somebody (who's warm and soothing) to drop me home.. :( Yea, im whinny, moody and grumpy today.

I faced a cabbie yesterday: His car smelt so weird i was practically hanging out of the window, which itself was another torture, coz it was hellishly cold and we're driving at 120km/h. I was tightly wrapped up in my shawl and my teeth chattering, apparently my own body heat was not enough to keep me warm. To top it off, he has the audacity to ask: " why r u upset jee??"

I ignored.

then he asks: " nuts khalo jee.. Iran se aye hain shayad. (Eat nuts. Maybe they'r from Iran)" Seriously. Im not kiddin.

Im like: No thanks..

"Please.. have it.." he was turned almost 90 degrees away from the windscreen, which means he had no idea whats going on ON THE BLOODY hi-way at speed of 120.

I refuse again and he insists further by bringin the plastic bag that contained the nuts, almost under my nose and shakes n waves it there. To end the situation i said:

"Actually, mujhe allergy hai nuts se". I had to invent my allergy to nuts, if only keep both of us alive on the highway or he wouldn't have given up on me.

Hain?? Acha (really)?? ... kyun (why)??

I was afraid he would ask "kidhar (where)?" next.. so i said..

"OMG.. look!! police...!" That got him lookin straight ahead for next few mins.

Oh thank you, thank you, Allah jii! I'll will not die with a perverted git in THIS smelly car!

Then he thought he should put up this VERY annoying (hot n happening according to him)song from Planet Hooha, it went sumthing like.. ' koi maare.. aakhon se..' and the girl was apparently battling with her own youth(jawani) because sadly her already small shirt was gettin tighter ... :$ I kid u not! Itna ganda gana tha!

Got back home with green with disgust face and a hulk sized headache. It got better in morning after some sleep. But right now at, 5:21, its worsening..

So im off..

Recue story over the weekend, pakka pakka promise!

2011-01-10T13:54:00.000+04:00

Been 10 days since this year started and it already feels like two months have passed!

Me been away for like, what, um.. 5 days??

Loads to update!

Comin soon:

Mysh rescued at 3 in morning~! (I kid u not).

Lettin go.

2011-01-04T16:46:00.000+04:00

I hate letting go of my things. Generally as a nature.

Moreoever, I hate this habit of hating to let go things I own/once owned.

For example: I am very sad, reluctant and ... blue about reimaging my new laptop and transferring my stuff (full data) from my old one. I would ask you not to laugh at this. As its a serious issue, my this precise habit applies to everything in life. Specially relationships. I am shit scared of the idea of having to do NOTHING at all with the thing I once conquered the world with (or not- depends on how you look at it). I am sacred of the fact that i am so used to This that it'll be hard to adjust to That. I am shit scared that I will miss "It".

So let face our fears now. By answering questions and exploring what's causing it.

Note: this conversation below is between LogicalCynical Attitudinal Mysh with Sensitive, Dreamy, Sweet Mysh. And this sometimes takes place when I am tryina get over people as well- with the same dumb replies from the latter Mysh.

Biggest fear of changing? (In this case switching Laptops)

I am used to the keys. More importantly I am used to typing on the keys without having to look At All. (like many i've learned typing not by an award-winning typist, but thru msn chatting at age of 13).

2nd fear?

Umm... i LIKE it... :)

No. You dont like, you moron, you're just used to it. Remember how much you hate it when it refuses to open your mail? How you can finish your steaming green tea after entering your password and it STILL wouldn't budge??

Remember how you have to keep staring angrily at the aqua circle thingy (pointer) going around in circles before your word or excel opens??

But its MINE... It belonged to me, Mysh. It was mine...for so long..

3 weeks?? *raises eyebrows* See.. you're already at 'was' from 'is'

Itsmine. Itsmine. Itsmine.

No, you do not love it, you will not miss it. You're just scared of the fact that you'll have to get used to another one.

No, it isnt this! Its not that simpllllee. Cant be. You ARE a shallow shallow person!!

It is. Take your hands off this one, n go try out the new shiny one. See.. its silvery.. and neat.. and SLEEK!

But this is mine! just coz its ugly i cant get rid of it! Thats being mean! Allah ji doesnt like people who ignore not-so-pretty things jus coz they're... well, not so pretty.

Huh..??

What if it has.... feelings? you know the chemistry thingy you develop with things around you, like with my cell... they may not have the feelings.. but they have this ... Your Essence to them.. It BELONGS to you!

Can I tune you OUT?! Get to WORK now! Loser..

Present present.

2011-01-04T16:13:00.000+04:00

The dark BEAUTIFUL sky (outside my window) - though jarred with the skyscrapers - beckons.

Perfect time and weather to head to Sufouh beach!.. or Mamzar's, damn u guys should see the inner "privatised" mamzar beach. Its the beach I'd Always dreamed of. No kidding here. There was this reoccurring beach in my dream which i used to talk about a lot to my close friends. Probably thought it must exist somewhere in the far corner of the world.. deserted, with only sounds that of crashing waves and sea gulls, not sunny at all, but bright, total cloud cover, open but also partially enclosed.. After all that searching first through books and encyclopaedias (early teens), then google (late teens).. I found right here in my neighbourhood. A place had been visiting since childhood with papa and mum, held the answer to my quest to find my 'Dream Beach'.

I guess it proves, what we scour the world for, passionately search that one thing that we think (bit irrationally) will be The Answer to our everything, oh-so-rudely dismiss the fact that it could exist, the very Thing you desire, in a not-so-heavenly form, very very close by - so close you could easily touch and feel it - and smugly believe that Our Dream Thing could only exist and will be discovered in the most Heavenly of set ups, bathed in golden shimmer and making the surroundings glow in its sheer glory. Whereas it probably exists as part of you, within you or your Personal Space the whole while. Patiently and silently waiting to be recognized and claimed..

To Ignite or Not to Ignite ??

2011-01-02T17:51:00.000+04:00

A pack of Parliment-lights* lying innocently in my bag...

- shouldn't be to0 hard to .. unwrap it, flip-open it, pop one out, light it up (would require help with that), stick it on lips (does it matter what comes first? sticking it in mouth or lighting it up?) and .. um.. inhale.. right?

Shouldn't be too hard..

Here upon, by taking this small step of unwrapping it, will begin my journey of satiating stress through, enjoying clubs/beach/winters/lunch breaks/tea/coffee/boredom/depression/anger/night-time/ and holidays etc through. Then, after all that damage done to heart, lungs, throat, skin & lips, after all the addiction and self-loathing will begin my surges and resolutions to quit smoking every year, every birthday, every start of Ramadan, even at my very first awareness of carrying a Precious Little Life inside me.

So, it really is so very very easy. Availability encourages.

But I think i'll wait for a while and see what you guys have to say.

Then we decide upon the majority. (since I'm in no urgent hurry today)

Happy voting! :)

*friend's

Little Red Riding - Dark

2010-12-31T13:33:00.002+04:00

Makes bad wolf seem like a furry bunny.

"Reach.. Touch... and hold".

"Go on, little girl. Its okay.. It wont bite". He grins, through browning teeth, and foul damp breath.

She is wary, wide-eyed. Scared even.

"That's okay swee'har.. i'll make you hold it. And when I bring it near you.. open your mouth".

One part of her wants to run, screaming in another direction. Another, much smaller part makes her stand rooted, burning with curiosity. No, dont take it, an inner voice tells her, RUN...

A stricter voice speaks up: There's nowhere to run, he'll follow you like shadow.. you know that.

His grin widens as he steps closer to her..

She thinks back to how polite and charming he was at first. Promising to her take her away from the cold to warmth of his Nice Place, even promised her the Happy Soup. But now He just looks big, powerful, and very very intimidating to her.. like he can easily snap her in two just by being his true self. Why didn't she see the greed in his eyes, she wonders a little too late.

"Now be a peach-cake and open your mouth... good girls always listen to elders, dont they??"

"... yes, sir...". She can barely breathe. "But -" Her throat restricted, it comes out as whisper.

"What're yeh mumblin', what did yer mammy teach ya! why the f*** dont you F***ing listen!!? Sure, yer mammy taught ya how to obey elders, din she?! eh? Or is she as disobedient as you little minx here?! Tell me.. is she as naughty as..-

With all his pretence dropped, she was no longer curious about the thing in his hand. "... you are dirty dirty man! How could you..-" Her voice still just a shaky squeak.

"What did i tell ya.. OBEY Your ELDERS! Isnt that wht they teach ya at school , eh marshmallow!?" He licks his lips. Then closes his eyes and breathes deeply. His expression changes, and he says, "I know i know.. respect is very important.. I shouldn't have said that."

She blinks, trying to comprehend. But she can barely read his face.

Then, another deep breath, "Be nice and Uncle will be nicer to you and your ...er.. person". Eyes piercing through her clothes. "Are you cold.. Would you like the warm cup of soup, or maybe even the Happy Soup? But for that, you need to be a nice respectful girl and Uncle will take you to the Nice place. Where Everybody will love you. But only if you do like your Uncle says. Girls like you like that.. don' they? Respect, lurrrrrv.. all tha' sweet mushy shit??" She's treated to those browning teeth again.

"Now.. give me your mouth and take this.. I dont have all day!" He said while grabbing her hair.

And she makes up her mind. ".. DONT want to! " with that she shoves his hand with a force that surprises even her. The cigarette drops, and lands glowing angrily at being rejected.

And for a moment he looks taken aback and alarmed, not at the refusal but at her will and resolve. But he recovers quickly, spits cuss word at her inwardly and says:

"Thats okay baby.. why didnt you just tell me so? I am not inhuman, you know. I care about you.. and your needs ofcourse... But you dont do the same! You are thankless, proud and arrogant person. And I cant tell you how much it pains my heart to see someone I care about so much shows me no respect!"

She's confused: What to believe. The Promise made. Or what stares at her in the face.

Mistaking her pause for submission he reaches, picks her up and places her on his lap like she is 5 instead, and with intelligence and conscience of the same. She doesnt like it, he stinks, his breath stinks, his clothes stink.. Her heart keeps telling her he's The Bad Man. But then brain tells her very logically, Who else does she have right now? Be grateful to him like he says, you apparently for some fateful reason, deserve him, this Baddie.

Suddenly.. " Why are yeh NOT smilin'! WHAT THE F*** do you think of yer dirty little self?! Can yeh be an ounce f***ing grateful to somebody who has rescued yeh from yer miserable state!? You cheap, selfish, and [bad charactered] ..girl!" And with this she is shoved and thrown off him just as quickly as she was enveloped.

Her guts shiver at his sudden yelling. The terror makes her insides churn... Though she wont admit but she is scared brainless of his anger tantrums. Instead she smiles, shows her teeth, n tries to ignore the putrid smells wafting from every inch of his body and his Surroundings.

Then, for some odd reason, he appears to be breaking down, and heaves with actual tears: " You just turned me into an abuser I never was!".

Tears, are highly valuable things, according to her. How could I make a grown-up cry like this? She's shocked. She cannot imagine why he's playing the victim. What happened? So reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, to make him stop crying.

That inwardly pleases him. But to make her feel more guilty about not pleasing him enough, he pushes her away, harshly.

Compassion engulfs her and she is patient with him. In the Hope that maybe, if she behaved, obeyed, smiled, and pleased him, and try even harder, he'll be the Savior he promised he'll be and take her to his Nice Place.

While she smiles up at him, he looks broodingly into the distance and wonders to himself. Now that he has her.. He needs a place to dump her, where this little thing is, least bothersome, but conveniently accessible whenever his desire arises...

She shivers in the cold thinking of ways to cheer him up...

[to be cont'd] . . .

Divinity.

2010-12-26T13:34:00.000+04:00

An FB status:

The Love that lasts the longest is the love that's never returned.

Provoked me to come up with my very First "love quote" (until now I avoided it. Too much said already. Too clichéd a topic, etc)

"Love survives by hunger. Dies by feeding".

I'm talking about, what we say in urdu, 'Ishq' here. People who disagree with my quote are probably referring to love, as in likeness, affection, mutual attraction and understanding.

Worldly stuff.

Ishq is unconditional. Follows, dont-want-only-give theory. Greatest example of which is; what Allah ji Has with Our Prophet (May Peace & Blessing of Allah ji be upon Him). Mother with her baby. It doesn't exist within the dry and highly conditional bonds between a male and female (bf/gfs?). Not even in husband/wife... marriage is no longer the "..enjoying the divine pleasures of each other, here and Hereafter.." like Stated by Allah ji (SWT) initially. It is diluted with think conditions and high and unscalable expectations.

Thats why you see a "live-in"/ 'fun-only' relationship lasting longer than marriages/engagements or "commited" relationships.
Legalized, Fun-Only relationship was what Allah ji had in mind when Our Prophets(PBUT) were asked to advise and spread the awareness and absolute joys of the Nikkah.

Everything else just follows, and falls into place like a long missing piece of puzzle..

The long forgotten Christmas..

2010-12-25T03:41:00.000+04:00

Last Christmas I gave you my heart...
But the very next day, you gave it away...

This year, to save me from tears...
I'll give to Someone Special..

My all time Chirstmas fav. they sang it 2 years BEFORE i was born... believe that?!
This li'l time of the year makes you wana snuggle close under warm wraps and sip hot cocoa or egg nogs! - Preferedly with fire softly crackling in back ground, brown book shelves and an arm chair by the side on a lush rug with a soft foot stool ... and silvery snow in view frm the window... *sigh*

aww.. Very Merry Christmas to all lovely people who celebrate it!

p.s. This is done by my friend who always wanted to decorate xMas tree but cudnt due to religious differences. This is courtesy her hubby. :)

2010-12-23T16:20:00.000+04:00

Last few days have been spent in a drunken stupor.

You guys (or atleast the people who read my blog) were the unfortunate witness to the fascinating transgressions of mine.
Wait- happy or sceptic ppl can jump straight to the last few lines and are free to leave suggestions.

Anyway, Wanted to run to viewing islands, kick butts of the people off the place, glare at them till they scurry off in their respective cars haphazardly, n then turn back and plop down on grass n jus... sit.

Stare into space or something.

Stare till i get my former sense an self back to normal. This state confuses me. Because I pride at having tremendous control over my emotions. So I extract them out and sort them one by one by examining them like an interesting artefact...questioning their origins, categorizing them, and then puttin them all away.

Its then that I approach each one based on its priority and urgency.

First address with extreme criticism, then 'duh' myself.. if the stupid tears still dont stop pouring. Eventually, give self a pep talk, like a u do with a child who is extremely energetic and stubborn, using the required patience taking my time. Finally finally, if it STILL doesnt help, I screaammmmm for Allah jii to take me out of it. Tell him Aap Kehte hain: '..pehle apni madad khud karo then approach Me' So here I am pathetically annoyingly helpless now.

ANd PHEW!

Isn't there this sudden shocking calm that strikes me? YEs strikes. Like a thick sound-proofed door being shut in the face of most raging storm and thunder of the decade. Sudden booming calm.

One would have thought that if it helps so0o much why not approach Him in first place? Why go through all that?

But, He's Wise, All-Knowing and Cheeky in His own way u know.. He woudn't dawn the calm on me so easily, He wants me to try n test everything! Explore the depths of each Phase that i am going through... What degree of dealing, patience, effort and the whole lengthy process i explained above, each one would require me to deal with.

Even if its somemthing i hate myself for feeling, and even more so ACKNOWLEDGING that i felt what i felt. The wrongness repluses me, then again it states the obvious too, which, I then go tell Allah ji, AAP ne banaya hai yeh rishta. I still reside in the deeply hidden recesses of him and it wasn't a rented place. It was rightfully owned.

I was his goddamned Wife... and when you Own a place, nobody has the balls to kick you out. We exchanged more than just a few kisses. There was more to love-making than physical friction of bodies. just like there was more to me taking care of him during the day than just domestic duty. That 'more' is going to be the biggest void of his life.

Its easier for me to look at the truth in the eye. I also know that he cant. Allah ji wants me to come to terms with everything i feel, so I go through the phases and these highest intensities of telepathies.

I come out maturer, more at peace. Like i've aged another 5ive years or something through each, with sometimes, a zest for life of a 10 years younger being. Which is good when that zest thing happens. Else at this rate all these phases will turn me 90 within a few months.

I've stopped going to viewing islands and beaches these days. Dumb, innit?

As this is the weather to experience beaches and the sad and inevitable part is that it wouldn't last.

The breeze seems to soothe the weird rawness left by storm ..
Nice..

Now lets get to work... !

I dunno how n where to book a limo from...- dubai-ites any suggestions??

Also is Swedish massage better than Hand&Feet spa before a night out??

Oh, and my Leveo is eager for food and caresses, - u guys barely seem to take care of him, Shame on u!

2010-12-20T00:28:00.001+04:00

"Pyaase tarap rahe hain..

Sahil qareeb hai..."

Allah jii, please give me strength.

That sea is not mine to drink from anymore...

... ~~hai na ?~~
~~n mysh Never touches what's not rightfully Hers~~

2010-12-18T12:37:00.000+04:00

Snippets.

take off.

Questions, questions...

2010-12-14T23:58:00.003+04:00

Listen.
Ignorance is Bliss..

Love the black gown. Also the setup & gown goes with my whole blog theme.

Bananas (without Pyjamas)

2010-12-10T01:43:00.000+04:00

Had most hectic of days.

Home after 1.5hrs of soul harassing traffic.

Loitered around kitchen to gobble sumthing up, then go strip into something comfy, and crash.

Found bananas.

Now normal person is supposed to be doing what you, normal people, will expect him/her to do upon seeing a banana.

Peel? Eat.

Intoducing *shiny lights* Mysshh!!!
Tired, haggard, grumpy and VERY VERY hungry, - (first morsel of proper fo0d was from toast bread (not mine) upon reachin home at 7:30) -

So, ahem! **Mysh** *shiny lights*... stumbling across a big box of bananas, over-riping smartly, takes the hole carton out n gets to sorting brown ones from yellow. Without even changin into Pj's n slippers.

The Reeeeeszulllltt :
No, seriously not even a Banana Smoothie - if u are daring to be creative.

I even surprised myself today:

Banana Pancakes, served with dollop of Cream and drizzled with Honey.

. . . . . . ......

Yea.. let it properly dawn over u.

The kids were over-joyed. It made their Day... to have Apy who was magically conjuring banana pancakes, that to0 without a wand! Yipieee.

As for me- Im still amazed at myself. Who does that, seriously??

Im sure i look amazing adorable to the whole world. Which ofcourse I am. Oh stop it now- I dont deny it!

But seriously... I must really be awesome.. *wonders*

The Winter Promise

2010-12-06T23:55:00.000+04:00

5:01pm
Just as Sun began its nightly dip.

Once upon a time, I had started smiling upon, adoring the bone-chilling.. raw iciness of Winters. Why. For the cuddles and the warmth, that you promised you would emanate, what come may.

And then I began vehemently hating the piercing.. biting cold that creeps upon without warning- Before freely getting a chance to Luxuriate in the fuzzy enticing mixture of our presence and its. To love it. To carve fantasies to life, and to etch memories with it. Why. For precisely the reason I had plugned into cherishing it.

You froze then crushed our winter promise. And some more.

This is solely Inspirational and not personal.

The Beckoned

2010-12-03T19:00:00.001+04:00

Taking Life off the projector.

And bringing It to the the drawing board.

The world beckons..

The sky invites..

What's stoppin you mysh?

FAQs

2010-12-01T16:05:00.038+04:00

People question:
Why in the world, did u take all that from those people. Don't you know, Being quite about the sheer torture and opression, not raising a voice for your lawful and religious rights, is called encouragement of the harassment and affliction. Which is also a Sin.
Your Allah ji had given you the brains, stated to you your rights, and given you the tongue. So that You tell the Uneducated and Unaware that it IS wrong and they must stop.

(I laugh when I hear the 'tellin them they're wrong' advice. They'd rather insult my parents and accuse me for 4-5 hrs, than hear, from me the above, let alone admit. They are the sort who will dance naked in public, and inform they're infact dressed for Winters, with force and authority. And challenge you to believe otherwise).

I watched it all with a sad smile on my face. Yes, maybe that was wrong.

But I was one frightened wife against a violent & disturbed husband and his scheming murderous family.

Amongst all the misery, I also had my glowing pride.

My pride on the way I maintain my relationships didnt let me lose hope on my marriage.

But I had forgotten my shoulders are not meant and made to take the hardships. Those are to be taken by strong and able shoulders of a husband, so the nurturing & fostering becomes the resposibility of the wife.

I could not play the husband, as well as the wife in my own marriage for very long.

So hanging by a fraying rope, and the rope torched further by the scavenging elders, a relationship that God smiles upon often, fell apart pretty easily.

Without a Husband its, frankly, impossible to 'have' a marriage, did u know?

I didnt.